Health during a separation/divorce

[Nogoodwithgoodbyes]

My H and I are separated for almost a year but we still live together. I’m getting close to securing suitable accommodation so here’s hoping it works out this time. I won’t go in to all the details of my separation.

My question is: did your health take a hit during your separation/divorce?

I have got concerned about my health as I have had hair loss (tackling it now with supplements & good shampoo so happy with that), skin aging & dehydration on face and body (got great advice here about that; so tackling that now too), frequent clouds and flu, gastro-intestinal issues, back pain and fatigue. I have a bad cold at the moment and I just feel like my immune system is down down down. Any advice?

I see a therapist as often as I can afford, I just bought a crazy expensive mult-vitamin tonic and I’m trying to increase my exercise and improve my diet.

It’s getting hard to get through the working day and I’m getting concerned. I had blood tests done and they all came back normal.

Any experience of similar or advice for really improving overall health?

(The only thing I can think of that I haven’t done is meditation but I do yoga once a week).

Thank you

*colds and flu

Hey Nogood! I'm in the same boat. Still living together while getting divorced. Rather acrimonious as well. Toxic atmosphere for the past 2 years. And the 6 before that stressful and draining. I've been on AD for over a year and that helps with stress. However, I feel sooo tired most of the time juggling full time work, commute, 2 young kids, divorce and an abusive ex. However, I have started loooking after myself more. Going to bed early and getting enough sleep, eating as healthy as I can, introduced exercises 3 times a week (even if that means less time with kids as I need to stay healthy for them), trying to look after my skin - nothing fancy and expensive (castor oil mask for hair, coconut oil for body and a decent face cream). I try to do things I enjoy - read (even on the train as difficult at home), meet up with friends when possible or going for a coffee, bit of shopping and such. To be honest everything feels like an effort but in general it does make me feel better than not doing these things and just wallowing in the misery of a failed, abusive marriage, the prospects of raising kids in London as a single parent on low income etc. I have had prolonged colds/ viruses, and similar but they are manageable, I find the most difficult to manage my mood. I am not sure what can I suggest but try to look after yourself the best you can. I keep thinking that my kids need me and I have to stay in shape for their sake. One has to power through things like these. No use dwelling over them too long. Take vitamins, eat healthy, exercise, get enough sleep and try to focus on the positive aspects of the future.

Thanks. I’m sorry you’re in a difficult situation and I hope it improves too.

Last year I moved to my new house and soon after I had a chest infection that lasted about 6 weeks. Before that I'd not been I'll for 10 years. I think it was a manifestation of all the stress leading up to me moving out, the uncertainty, house buying, splitting custody, bitter ex.

It's well known that divorces etc take its toll on your health - during and after . Your body has had a supply of cortisol fed to it most go the time and that continues even after the "need" is no longer there .

Yes, cortisol-pumping all right. I'm just worried as I know there's more to come. I haven't even moved out yet and I'm already in bits. I guess I just have to keep on trucking and keep trying.

Mine got better, I lost over a stone and cut out the junk - we had got into a pattern of take aways and meals out, now I have healthy food - well I did until I met dp and I'm drinking more and eating in restaurants again (no take away though, we actually cook together, a novelty)

Same here - re separation/divorce and cohabiting.
And I was the one who initiated after a long history of a bad relationship and some stuff that happened that meant it had to happen.

And yes - health suffers. Both physical and mental. And in a way I’ve been going through typical stages of grief as well. Because despite it being the absolutely the right thing to happen it’s still a massive change and can be sad

Yeah, I'd liken it to the stages of grief all right. I'm not sure that's understood universally. A childhood friend of mine who I see a lot didn't say anything to me after he found out my marriage had broken down. When I asked him why, he said he wasn't going to be bringing it up! If someone in my life died, he would offer condolences, yet my marriage breaks down and he says nothing. He then told me to 'shake it all off.' The mind boggles.

Yes, I am 5 months in and still living in the same house. My stomach is permanently upset/chronic wind - anything I eat flares it up. Sleep is affected too. I'm hoping I'll feel a lot better when I don't have to see him every day

I think emotional times always have an effect on our health in some way or other. I mean you maybe don't get enough sleep ect from worry n then get a cold ect easier. Hope you feel better soon!

True. It’s all connected.

Yes I’m sure it’ll be less stressful once we have our independence...getting to that point will, no doubt, be stressful in itself but once it happens, things will look up!