Where should I live?

[Greyrugs]

Last year my boyfriend and I decided to move in together. My house was put on the market and accepted an offer, so me and my children can move into his with him and his children. I lost my nerve and ended it as was having lots of second thoughts. He met someone straight away after and although I was annoyed he moved on so quickly I was actually ok and was less upset than I thought at the time. The thing is, I tried dating and meeting other people and to be honest i had a string of awful dates and compared them all to my bf and I was so unhappy and missed my boyfriend and so we got back together a couple of months later in September.

So now my house is about to complete the sale and we’ve just started again where we left it and I’m due to be moving into his house in two weeks. I’m more upset now about him moving on so easily last year than I was at the time and finding it hard to get over it.
Should I just move into his house as planned and carry on with our life together or should I put on hold and find somewhere else now?
In sept when we first got back together I was over the moon and couldn’t wait to just carry on as planned, now I’m having second thoughts. The kids are all excited about it (they didn’t really know we split up as all still young) and I don’t know what to do.

I get a bad vibe about you moving in with him. You say you keep having second thoughts- what are they?

Are you prone to anxiety? Or have you been able to trust your instincts historically?

Op I'm sorry but does sound like you're messing him around a little... I may be well out so sorry if I am but just being honest from reading your post. That said you have children so if you are having second thoughts you need to look at the reasons for these and weigh up is it worth the risk?

oh hell no

can you carry on renting for 6 mths?

It seems like a monumental thing to do if you aren't 100% sure?

Stay in your own house.

No. He's prepared to just put you on the back burner when it gets difficult. Stall the sake if you can without being a dick (change of circumstances isn't being a dick, mind) or find somewhere to rent.

If you do move in with him, after all, the money from the house sake is yours only.

Sale.

Fuck sake

The first time was because it was too soon maybe, neither of us were divorced (both are now) and I just wasn’t sure at the time. His divorce was really stressful and trying to move the kids all together was just too much,
This time is because I question his commitment to the relationship because of moving on so easily last year, it’s his house we’re moving into so if it goes wrong again it me and my kids moving out and more upheaval for them although I definitely am not ready to buy together so makes sense living at his, his is a big house also so plenty of space. I want to be with him though, I know that, am I just getting upset about him seeing someone last year as a distraction to my nerves or should I be looking to move somewhere else?

I am a bit prone to anxiety so it maybe just that, with other stuff my instincts are usually right but this is different and I don’t know about it.

The money from the sale of my house will be kept in my name (although not much after Iv paid my solicitors divorce bill and split with my ex🙄) but is enough for a small deposit somewhere else (although takes ages to buy) I could rent somewhere but that would eat away at what’s left from the sale of the house

I think men move on quicker than women to heal from a break up tbh. Women are more emotionally attached so though its not nice he moved on quickly it's common for men to do this and I wouldn't think too much into it

How long have you been together? For some reason it seems as though things are moving quickly. Could you rent for 6 months as PP suggested?

Something is bothering you about this.

What issues made you break up with him?

Men do move on faster than women.

And sometimes it seems anyone will do.

I mean he soon drop them and came running back to you So you have nothing to worry about.

I felt the same but I really loved him and felt very loved back so
Knew we had every chance of success.

Been living together / married 22 years.

I think if you’re not sure and there are children involved I would put it on hold for now. Are the dc having to move schools etc?

Why do you need to sell the house?
Couldn't you just keep it and rent it out?
So you still have a safety net if things don't work out.
Are your anxieties to do with have no proper escape plan?

@Mingusthebrave - you beat me to it. I’d not sell your property but rent it out. That way you keep an asset to go back to if things don’t work out.

Selling and moving in seems very final. Which isn’t a problem per se - I did this with my second DH - but we’d been together for 4 years and I had no doubts.

I need to sell my property as part of my divorce anyway so I can’t really stall it. I have security in the way of a family who will support me should it all go wrong and will keep the sale proceeds in my name. I also have a faulty decent job and can but again.
The children wouldn’t need to move schools.
Iv been thinking about it the last couple of days about why I’m having second thoughts. The problem is I don’t know if he’s the right one for me, I’m not sure if I trust him after finding it so easy to move on, I get men and women deal with things differently.

When I get worried I just tell myself that he’s great for now and that when the kids are older someone else will come along, I know it’s not right but it calms my worrying down, then I think the right one wouldn’t make me feel like this.
I sometimes worry about who’s he’s messaging etc but not sure if it’s just my anxiety playing up or my gut telling not to move in as he doesn’t hide his phone and lets me use it whenever needed.
My exh was controlling and abusive emotionally and physically and I’m so scared I’m gonna get hurt again and that my view in relations have been blurred and this one will end up the same.

Don’t move in with him. Protect your children from his lack of commitment.

@Greyrugs what did you decide to do?