Why won't men talk after an argument?

[whoneedsmen]

My dh has gone to rugby now, and I'm sitting here with feelings of anger and upset.

TBH, dh and I don't have many arguments, if any, so when we do, they are pritty major (althugh about petty things at time)!!

Today, dd needed her nappy changed,so I asked dh to do it for me as I was doing something at the time.

Dh said no as he was getting his rugby stuff ready, so I asked him to do it when he had finished.

Dh finished getting his kit ready, and sat down, so I said that dd needed nappy changing. He then had a go at me, saying that I should have done it and making out that I was a bad mum. I shouted that yes I was crap, and went upstairs, then he said stop being stupid (which I took to heart).

When I came back downstairs, dd's nappy was changed, and we didn't talk for the time he was here.

Dh has gone to rugby now, and I went to the bin outside, still pritty upset (and crying at the time), he saw me, asked if I was ok to which I said no, then he got on his bike and went.

I now feel like shit, we've never argued liked this before, and I'm feeling as if rugby means more to him than I do.

BTW, I am a regular on here, but people know my dh.

It's always me who say's sorry, or starts to talk and I'm sick of it.

I very much doubt that rugby means more to him than you do; but rugby will be his way of clearing his head and not facing another argument on top of an argument. I am the one who walks away and asks to be left alone, in our relationship, and find the situation dissolves quicker if both of us have space and time to think... to think why the argument might have happened. Then we talk to each other but don't apportion blame.

He'll have decided it was better he went out than had another confrontation. It might have been nice for him to have given you a cuddle and said sorry, though.

If DH and I give each other space after an argument, the next time we speak it is usually forgotten and unless it's something very bad, no sorries are said. We usually start talking when one of us has to ask the other about something they can't do like open a jar or something!

Dh gets like this. We argue over small things too and then he just goes all quiet. I hate it. I'd rather we carried on discussing it than that.

I'm sure he'll be fine when he's back from Rugby.

Message withdrawn

Thanks for the advice.

I know it's only a small argument but I would prefer him to shout etc, I hate it when we don't talk.

I just wish we could have talked about it!

I suppose it is also because at least he can go and clear his head, I'm still at home doing motherly things!

Taking this at face value and assuming there is nothing underneath it (abuse, affair, depression etc )...........It was what's known as a 'squabble'. It's what happens when you live with someone!

You know the difference between men and women in this respect? .. Women want to discuss, analyse and pick apart everything, looking for the reasons, the deeper meaning, the implications for the relationship, the way forward.

Men think you got pissed off but it's done now! I posted a joke in the Men's Room a while ago.....

this one

It's a bit long, but well worth the read.

The point is, there is nothing wrong with him.

There's nothing wrong with you either.

I'm going to disagree with everybody. She's his baby too, so why is he getting stroppy when you ask him to change her nappy?

The upshot might be that you will stop asking him to do stuff because you'll be afraid of what his reaction would be.

I'm guessing you would have been OK if he'd apologised for being a stroppy git before he went off to rugby and particularly for implying that you were a bad mother which is a low blow in my opinion. He's lucky he's got the time to play rugby - I bet you don't have that much leisure time looking after a little one. Tell him he's a rubbish rugby player and see how much his feelings are hurt and whether he gets upset about it and wants to talk about it when you don't apologise (I mean don't but that's the sort of level his insult was at). I think people should try to avoid being hurtful to one another in relationships. It is possible.