How do I go no contact?

[Muddytoes1]

I don’t want my dad in my life anymore. He’s a narcissist and doesn’t bring anything other than stress to my life. What do people do when they cut contact? Is it best to say that’s what you are doing or just block all numbers? This has been a v long time coming. He doesn’t have a shred of empathy and i just want this to be over. He sent me a cheery message this morning and I was left shaking.

I did it by letter, OP. My parents lived 500 miles away, which made it easier - there was no risk they would turn up ranting on my doorstep.
You need support to do this, and you should plan carefully exactly what (if anything) you want to say to him and by what means - email, letter, phone, in person or by just not responding to any contact by him. Have contingency plans for what to do if he doesn’t accept it, or if he becomes abusive, either by phone or in person. Good luck. I wish I’d done it years before I actually did.

I announced nothing. It would only generate extra drama with the way my crazies are crazy

Grey rock. Very low contact.

I am busy. So very busy. I won't respond to a message for ages. Even then I'll only respond if there's something factual for me to say, which is rare. "No, sorry, we'll be way too busy" is often used.

Zero drama comes from me. They might try to start a fire but I won't give it oxygen so no matter how much fuel they pile on, no matter what spark they throw, it just fizzles out.

It becomes kind of comical after a while. The dread will reduce. The palpitations will become eyerolls. There is no actual power over you assuming you are not dependent financially or for housing or childcare. You are in a very strong position.

Busy. Too busy to respond. Non-specific busy, "you know marriage, kids, work, life!"

Thanks so much! He has never been violent or aggressive and lives a long way away so I’m hoping it won’t be a huge issue. We don’t talk a lot anyway so I was hoping it would just fizzle out but he keeps prodding and it always throws me into a stew at an annoying moment like right before I go into an important meeting.

If you don't want to block him, you should have the option on your phone to send all his calls to voicemail automatically. You then have no obligation to listen to those voicemails.

Thanks that is a good idea too. For now I have just blocked him. Was thinking I might go and talk it through with a councillor as I feel quite conflicted. He’s done some awful things but because his personality is very cheerful and generous it makes it very confusing as he comes across as a really nice guy.