Really Need some advise/help

[onlythebravex]

Hi all, I'm a man been with my partner 10 years and have 2 children 5 & 2. Things are abit rocky at the minute because of my actions! I'll.admit I have anxiety and don't always trust her. To cut a long story short she's not very good at expressing her feelings and said her head had gone and she felt uncontactable around me. We pin pointed why which was due to me being irractic around her! I'm now getting help and seeing a councilor. The thing is she is very, very distant and not even telling me she loves me. Not cuddling, kissing or nothing. She says that this is her barrier and she just feels distant from me. I know she still loves me and she gets annoyed when I question that. Believe me.when I say I'm doing everything possible.to make her feel happy, safe etc. I'm just running out of options.I mean would she stay if she really wanted to go? Would she still sleep.in the same bed? Maybe doesn't help me keep bringing stuff up.but when she's being distant I find it hard not to. It's a cache 2. Is it just a case of time or has she lost the feelings for.good. I've tried asking that question but she gets annoyed and doesn't want to keep going over it. I feel like I'm in Limbo and don't really know what she wants. Is it just a case of time! Again feel like I'm doing the wrong thing when I'm trying so damn hard. Any advise would be appreciated. Thanks

Forgot to.mention that she is trying to get on with things and acts normal around me even going out and buying stuff for the house which in my mind makes no sense when shes saying all these things. Again I thing it's just time but I really don't know

Why don't you trust her? Is this your anxiety talking or are there reasons? What exactly have your negative "actions" been?

Checking her phone and things like that which I know is bad. It's past relationship anxiety plus things that she has done such as ask a friend for another man's number which apparently was just for friendship.reasons but
I can only believe this. I do trust her but struggle with my own irrational thoughts.

Checking her phone and "things like that." So you invade her privacy and try to control her. Sound right? It's no wonder she's distant from you. Would you expect her to act any differently? By the way, your partner is not your former partner. Stop judging her based on your past relationship. If you can't or won't change your behaviour, you should leave and let her move on.

I don't control her in any way shape or form and she is free to go and come as she pleases in that sense. But can see how it might come across like that with me checking her phone. I am trying hard to change my behaviour for the better. Thankyou for your honest opinion.

You need to let this one go. Your counselling will be useful in your next relationship.

OP I can understand how you're feeling. It's great that you're seeking help but these things take time to improve.

Is it possible for the two of you to have some quality time together? The DC will be a strain on your relationship too so maybe try and remember what life was like before the DC arrived.

You're best asking your DP how she feels and what she would like for things to improve. Pretending everything is ok won't help the situation improve.

Thanks for the advise. We are trying and have spend quality time.together and things are great when we do. However she is still distant. Like you said things take time. And I'm.not giving up. If there's a 1percent chance that things will work out then I'll stick it out and see how things progress. In terms of speaking with her, when I do this brings up old ground which I don't want to do in fear of pushing her further away as she has told me this annoys her! I do feel she wants to move forward but at the same time fear the worst.

How long a period were you being erratic (and what do you mean by that?) And checking her phone and things like that (again what do you mean?)? And how long have you been seeking help? You're being very vague about what you actually did and for how long, and that makes me suspect your minimising your behaviour and don't see that seriousness of it.

You pressuring her to say she loves you, is confident of a future with you etc after it's your behaviour that caused the problem would annoy the fuck out of me too. She can't answer yet, because she hasn't seen concrete long term evidence that you've changed yet. Or that she can actually trust and love you again.