Just need to know if nayone else feelslie this. If so, how do you cope, what do you/did you do?
Me-Im mid 40’s. Professional in an emotionally challenging job, working part time. History of an anxiety and low mood but have managed this with combination of meds, self help, therapy etc over the years.
H is a company director and earns a good salary but prefers to save rather than spend so money isnt really used to make our lives easier as such, he is always planning for tomorrow rather than looking at whats happening today.
He also has a mental health problem due to childhood trauma which is relatively stable but means he can be up and down and is particukarly affected if I am under par as I tend to provide all the emotional stability in the family.
We have two children, one who is lateprimary was thought to be on autistic spectrum as a toddler ( was very very challening nearly broke me mentally) but then ‘grew out’ of many of the issues. Still highly active, needs loads of stimulation, feels like he never leaves me alone for a minute.
My older child is now early teens and we have had increasing struggles with him since anout year 5, rigidity, emotional meltdowns, sometimes phsyical although these are less as I have learnt how to diffuse.
Highly academically able but increasingly disinterested and scathing about school. Only wants to do online gaming.
Leant via his school last year they think he is on autistic spectrum this was known by his primary but never shared with us and now he is refusing the tests which would potentially lead to support for his/ us.
Holidays or even minor trips out of house a major carry on as he is so rigid resulting in now I actively dislike holidays and only do them for my younger son and H.
I took up a hobby two years ago which I had wanted to do since childhood, takes up time and money but had been doing me a huge amount of good but now this is becoming more challenging and has become another source of anxiety.
I developed strong feelings for someone else last year, no intentions of acting on this but it was a very difficult time for me and I spent six month in a state of of over activity, lost a uge amoutn of weight unintentionally, wasnt, sleeping wtc as I wrestled with this all on my own.
On the surface to others everything looks ok or even quite good in my life but I am increasinly thinking how can I endure another maybe 8 or more years of this I’m sure I can, and then what, I cannot leave my family, I love my children very much in spite of the challenges.