Reasons to be thankful for a breakup

[Redtrunks]

Just going through a breakup with DP of two years. We recently moved in together and although we love each other it’s become increasingly clear that we’re just not compatible and it would make for a miserable future. Feels very hard to let go of the good things go as there are many of them. So I’m trying to focus on the negative

I never have to politely host his appalling, misogynistic, know it all, unfunny brother again.

I don’t have to put up with his rude grumpy dad (wonder where stbx gets it from)

I don’t have to literally clean and tidy every single thing in the house because he can’t be arsed to even put an empty packet in the bin or put a cup in the dishwasher. Doesn’t know how to use a washing machine. (Before you all say why did you move in with him, I didn’t realise his mum used to come and do all his housework every day. He’s 41.)

I don’t have to feel anxious about how he’s going to react when very minor things go wrong. Eg the time he screamed and ranted for twenty minutes because he thought he was going to run out of petrol. He didn’t, we found a petrol station.

Not having to listen to long monologues about his boring (to me) hobbies.

Not having to put up with rubbish sex.

Not to have to tell him frequently that his hair is not thinning.

There, I feel better

Please feel free to share yours!

That's some list OP Just wanted to say well done and congratulations on your new happy singledom. There are so many advantages. And you can watch what you want, when you want on tv!!!

Just separating from partner of 20 years. I won't miss
Him joking to anybody who will listen what a rubbish "housewife" I am because I don't run after him.like his mother. This is despite me keeping everything going through his long periods of depression/ unemployment.
His annoyance when I would not watch films/programmes just because he thought I should like them.
His criticism of the way I parent our teenage son.
Walking on eggshells to avoid him having a meltdown
His constant negativity and reluctance to do anything
His arrogance
His crap attempts at DIY for which he expected great praise.
I could go on forever!

List sounds like a comprehensive accounting of why NOT to stay with him.
You're right about the ranting, that would eacalate!!
Enjoy your new life....

Thank you! I’m going to the (rainy) seaside for a walk now, that always helps, I find

You say it became clear you were incompatible- you could also write out (for yourself and/or here) all the incompatibilities, if there are others.

With my ex-FWB, the freedom is definitely mainly from the bad sex (you could write this out in detail) Manky arse I had to rim, impotent micropenis I had to suck for ages as he had little sensation, obsession with anything anal, trying to make me have group sex. The constant nagging for types of sex he likes, which I'd told him he didn't enjoy. Realizing he had exploited and was trying to coerce me.

His friendship and support that was insincere (just in order to, and for as long as he could be arsed) which would only last for half the day, so I was lonely on the evenings. He was going to ditch me as a friend soon, as I was no longer useful for sex etc. That would've really upset me, so it's great that I finished it first.

.

@sandgrown sorry you had to deal with that shit! Glad you’ve left it behind!

@NoMoreDickheads that’s a good idea, I’m bound to feel sadness and possible regret so that will be helpful. Sorry you had to deal with that shit too, he sounds completely vile 🤮

Oh I’ve thought of some more!

The way he prides himself on ‘winning’ when it comes to dealing with customer service employees on the phone. He’s actually just really rude and bullying to them and I expect their day is ruined from having to speak to him

When pp mentioned tv programmes this reminded me - getting really arsey and personally offended when I don’t love a film or tv programme that he does

Never paid me any compliments on my appearance except for twice when he said I looked “cool” (having dressed and made myself up to the nines for special occasions) not pretty, not beautiful, but “cool” - cheers “mate”

That day’s dirty socks, without fail, stuck under a sofa cushion for me to find/sit on

That's great.

There's more, keep going :)

It might help to be more or less chronological- what annoying thing did he do first, next etc?

I've been split up from my ex for nearly 2 years and it's still so hard sometimes, but I'm not going to miss....

How he'd flip if something wasn't going his way.

How I had to ring everyone and anyone for appointments and whatnot.

He constantly lost his inhaler and I was always contacting the Doctor and sometimes waiting for another prescription.

Always making the dinner every day!

Always tidying up after him and doing his washing.

Him not helping in the house or with the kids unless I asked.

Not having to help him fix his stupid motorbike, or help him move it!!!!!!!!!

There are so many!!! We were together 15 years and I do miss the family time and the good times we had together, but the more I think of the horrible times, I'm made up we are not together!

Oh and he also takes steroids to build himself up, so I don't miss the 'do I look big, look at my arms...blaaaa blaaaa blaaaaaaaaa!!!!!

Thank you Chicken that’s helpful as a few of those resonate with me and I’m feeling a bit mopey tonight and missing him

@NoMoreDickheads yes I’ll have a think about that, it’s a good idea. Might help me see the progression of things going wrong and why. Will update in due course.

Divorced after 24 years....I won’t miss caravans....programs about caravans....discussions about fantasy caravans.......caravan holidays of the future.....with bloody pushbikes.....in the rain...always take the positives

Now enjoying easyJet, sunshine and not having to write everything on a spreadsheet

Enjoy your freedom

Don’t miss the moodiness, walking on eggshells because he is not a morning person, questioning me after a night out, throwing things I’ve said in my face, the mountain of washing at his side of the room, his friends being in our house all evening, me getting annoyed because he didn’t do housework as I liked it, his temper when things weren’t going his way.
We get along great now, we’ve both matured a lot

Literally the only time I miss having a bf is Wednesday nights...when I have to put the bins out....other than that I can
Watch what I want
Eat what I want
Tidy my own shit only
Spend sundays in my pjs on the sofa watching catch up
I dont have to share my ice cream, listen to someone moan or put up with someone else's (insert children/family/friends)
Within reason I do what I want when I want with whom I want
And I dont have to do my bikini line unless I want to
Tbh I'd struggle to find more good points about being in a relationship than not lol.
Write a pros and cons list about him and stick it on your fridge. Whenever you feel down read it, then whack on a feel good tune and dance around your house with a hair brush microphone, you'll soon perk up

Thank you, woke up feeling really sad today, this has been the longest we’ve gone without contact since we got together so it’s weird. Will re read this thread and remind myself of all the shit things. And I’m happy for you all that you’re glad you left these men

Being able to buy crisps and ice cream and not have them instantly disappear is one - it’s nice to have a bit and put it away again in my opinion rather than hoover it all down in 5 minutes as though he hasn’t eaten for a week

Having an wardrobe to fit in all my stuff, I now have a summer side and a winter side

Never having to watch sport again.

Never having to pretend I know the rules of golf again. I don't really care what your par is to be honest.

Not arguing about the same thing incessantly.

Not being on edge as i know someone is waiting for a reply to endless messages.

woke up feeling really sad today

This is only human OP. But you get to wallow in peace and not have to explain why you are sad, quiet, not chatty. You can just go read a book, play solataire, watch rubbish on the telly.... anything you like, without having to explain a single thing.

The absolute freedom you have to live how you want without having to compromise, explain or justify. The whole bed is yours to stretch out in. No great big shoes and coats cluttering up the hallway. A fragrant pretty bathroon. No disgusting meals and mugs of stewed tea you have to pretend to be grateful for. No going places someone else wants you to, but you don't.Oh my OP, I really am so pleased you're free of such a shitty sounding guy.

Oh I love this! My turn!!

We were only dating for a year, so didn't live together, but I would stay at his a lot.

I do not miss;

-his dirty bedsheets. I would ask him in advance to wash them before I came over. He never did. He once told me he had, and when I saw them, they were filthy! They were black, so stains were very obvious! ... he's an idiot to think I wouldn't notice 

-him on his phone all the time. I never really considered the importance of "screen time restrictions" before .. now I completely understand. He was always on the bloody thing. Drove me banana's.

-I think a pp mentioned this one as well, but, he always seemed to lose interest in interacting with me half way through the day. It was like he couldn't be bothered to make any effort.. I considered him very lazy.

-he was not a morning person at all. And I am! So we were very incompatible in that way! He didn't like to eat breakfast, or even lunch really.. wasn't hungry until dinner time! And he was always very moody in the mornings, while I love mornings!!

-his snoring

-how he thought really bad reality tv shows were completely real and not scripted at all  honestly, the really crap reality shows that were really badly acted! Those kinds of ones. He could not comprehend the idea that they weren't 100% real! Soooo weird!!

-never once complimented me on my appearance. Weirdly enough however, he would complement me on my brains.. just never my looks..

-would never warn me in advance if we were going to be going anywhere, like the pub or something. So I would rock up to his house in the evening, in my comfortable, snuggly type clothes, and he would then tell me we're going to the pub.. no matter how many times I told him I would like to be made aware, so I could wear something nicer / maybe put on some make up etc. this really pissed me off!! I lended up keeping an outfit in the car just in case!

And finally - he's not a dog person. And I am. So I knew there was never really going to be a future!

Ugh, there's just so much more! I could go on!

I really miss him some days. Other days all I have to do is remind myself of all the shitty things he would do. So thank you for this thread today!!

@NoMoreDickheads I think we share an ex.

I don't miss being called fat (I'm a little overweight but only size 14) or being moaned at because the (adult) kids make a mess everywhere or because the house needs vacuuming/garden weeding. I love that my now dp appreciates me for who I am now rather than moaning I'm not like I was 20 years ago

I’m moving out tomorrow, been married 14 years and together 5 years before. I will not miss having to clean the toilet before I use it, almost every time! Also not having to close cupboard doors in the kitchen that have been left open!

I met my dh !!

@Redtrunks thank you. It's very awkward as we are still in the same house until he pays me out. He has made a big fuss about doing the house up and selling it when I move out with our son but true to form he has done nothing ! I do get sad about the good times we had and as I am older I am imagining growing old alone but I know retirement with him would have been a nightmare. On the odd times we cross paths his grumpy face reminds me why I am leaving! Good luck Trinity . It will be better in the future.

*not having to cook meals for him, his live in mother and his entitled children all of whom have different food tastes and especially his children who will flatly refuse to eat something they're not in the mood for - they're 8 and 13 y'all. Not having to put up with a tactless mother in law who will happily and loudly point out anything less than perfect with my cooking to the room at large

*not having to gnash my teeth because he is always, always, always on his phone on WhatsApp, Insta or some chat forum or on front of his pc gaming and chatting online in the TV room while his mother sits there with him night after night as if this is normal behavior for an adult, married son with 2 kids, 1 live in stepkid and a baby on the way! Talk about feeling disgusted.

*not having to be the parent who tries to model balance to my kid who lives with us while he flaunts being Disney Dad to his 2 who are allowed to dictate their own visitation at their whims. So what this means is when they "don't feel like" coming over on their weekends, he pulls out all the Disney dad stops and by now they've become so adept at it they know exactly how to play him get the desired reaction!

*not having to feel guilty for falling pregnant after 12 years of believing I couldn't conceive only having to hide said pregnancy from his children because they'll be jealous (heading for 5 months pregnant now). Like literally he even hides my vitamins when I'm not here and the come over!

*not having to go everywhere by my myself with my kid - I'm talking doctor's visits, shopping, dates (I take myself on dates), visiting and just ANYWHERE.

*never going on dates ever

*no longer having to listen to his godforsaken snoring

*being able to have Friday night movie marathons with my daughter and not having to cook if don't feel like it.

*being able to goof around in pj's weekends if we feel like it

*no longer having to do the laundry for everyone while mommy dearest takes her little boy's (he is 40) clothing from the washing basket for ironing and folding with military precision while leaving mine and my daughters behind

*no longer having to live with i have ZERO respect for anymore

*mediocre sex because, well I think he's a cowardly ass and it's hard to unthink it and there's NOTHING sexy about assholery!

*Not having to live with a pathetic mama's boy who can only ever truly be a "real" man for his helpless mama (sarcasm - she's not)

*not having to wait months for him to fix ANYTHING

And if anyone wonders why I'm still here, living with this colossally weak waste of human space - we're married, I'm pregnant with an epileptic daughter who was very ill recently and can't just be moved around and the ass refuses to assist me in any way if I leave. Baby or no baby. However I'm plotting and planning our exit...(giggles somewhat hysterically).