Do you ever get over a breakup?

[Breakmystride]

Just that really. I was seeing someone for a year. It was quite up and down and we split up about 8 months ago. I was devastated. He got back in touch two months later and we tried being friends but I just couldn’t. No contact for two months now. But I still feel sad most days. Just wondering if I’ll ever get over it.

Cut it off.
Stop thinking about him and start thinking about you.

He doesnt want you, so what, you want you.
Be kind, loving, generous, to yourself.

Look at some you tubes.
Put everything into you now.
Thats the one relationship you will have for life. Make it good.

I don’t follow him. I unfollowed as soon as I went NC but tonight I caved and looked him up.

It’s good advice to focus on me. I know I should. I guess I am wallowing and feeling very sad. I no longer feel the terrible pain I felt before, at least I can function now. But I seem to have been left with this deep melancholy inside. It’s always there even when I’m getting on and focusing on other stuff.

Block him so that next time you feel the temptation it is more complicated than just looking him up.

Then go down the library and get yourself a bunch of motivational books along the lines of "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck" and pick up one of those every time you have too much time on your hands!

I will. But how do you get rid of the melancholy feeling and sadness. Is it just constant distraction or ignoring it until eventually it goes away?

I'm afraid it does just take time, yes.
But it is really worth looking up techniques for relaxing, changing your mindset etc., and throwing yourself into other activities.
I used to put on lively music on my headphones and dance in my living room until knackered :) Also went to the cinema on my own - a good film can put you in a totally different mood.

The unhappiness is a sign that the relationship was meaningful and important to you. That's better than breaking up with someone and not caring, right?

Oh, you could also try the "Wysa" app.

Yes it was meaningful to me. He had his flaws but I will never know how much of our “incompatibility” was down to the fact I hadn’t moved on from my previous partner. I just feel so sad about it all, sad that I never got past the first relationship and sad that he doesn’t care enough to love me I guess. Neither of them did really. It is better to be your own best friend.

You should always be your own best friend anyway ...

Watch out for yourself, if you feel like you are really struggling then have a chat with your GP. Talk to other people in real life who will cheer you up for a while. This time of year things always look more miserable than in the summer; I bet you'll feel better when the days start getting longer.

Usually it takes meeting someone better to really get over it. Until then it's hard to forget

Have been with my current partner (now married) for over a decade but before him I was in a volatile and messy relationship for about a year which I think took 2 years to really feel I’d ‘got over’ (ie didn’t feel rattled and odd and achy if I thought about him, stopped having dreams about him).

I’ve also had a really devastating friendship break-up with a best friend during my marriage. Was heartbreaking and difficult. We have no contact which I knew was best as soon as I decided, but was really raw for about a year, and still makes me sad sometimes 5 years on.

Things take time. Keep talking to the counsellor, do things just for you even when you don’t feel like it, get enough sleep and try to spend a bit of time outside in nature every day.

It will get easier. Don't beat yourself up for feeling down about it. It's part of toughening up and moving on.

You're on the way to where you need to be x

Everything in time I guess. at least the pain reduces

Thank you everyone. Feeling a bit better today. I guess when I say better I mean
I don’t feel rubbish or so melancholy. Just quite numb. But that’s better than feeling awful.

Yes you get over them completely give long enough. My first break up was awful, I lost a stone in a week, I thought I would die of a broken heart. There was no social media back then so it was a very clean break. Decades later we are in touch on SM and I don't have any feelings for or about him at all. Some nice old memories and looking at the person he is now a sense of lucky escape.

I broke up with my ex in January. It was situational rather than anyone did anything wrong. It just didn’t suit me as we didn’t see each other much so ended it - distance, busy lives etc. Said we were still interested, but agreed we couldn’t make it move forward.

However I kind of regret breaking it off. Texted him a few times. We ended up having a big text conversation lasting a few days. He came over on Wednesday night and stayed over. No contact since. I enjoyed Wednesday, it felt comfortable and not weird. However wish we hadn’t done it as I am confused and want to see him again.

Assuming his goodbye of hug, kiss and see you around and no contact means it’s not a good sign. Surely he would contact me if he was interested?

Yes you do - definitely, and every time. It's hard, but time is genuinely the best thing for it - as well as seeing family and friends and keeping busy. Do not try to stay in touch or be friends, it makes it harder and prolongs the agony. Keep your chin up - you'll get there

I think my ex boyfriend never really got over his previous relationships. He used to reminisce about them several times and I saw when he was going through bad patches he would look them up on social media. I often think he regretted breaking up with his uni gf.

My ex always compared me to them. In a good way. At least you don’t do what X did etc. He always brought up bad stuff they did. Wonder if I will be that bad stuff ex for the next one?