I've left and need a handhold...

[neverletgojack]

Back story:
Been with OH for over 3 years, I have 2 DS and he has 1 DD.

We have had quiet a rocky relationship but we have never broken up. He has always he doesn't want to get married or have more kids. Two weeks ago he admitted to talking to other women, he blamed the struggles with his daughter for him feeling lost.

My two DS are very good, they ask for nothing and are totally gems and I couldn't be prouder of them. He totally agrees on this point and loves them dearly. Their bio dad walked out of their lives when they were babies and he has been there since toddler age and is amazing with them.

His DD however has made our lives a living hell, she is violent and self abusive, she bullies my DS and children in the neighborhood. She threatens me with reporting me to social services if I don't meet her demands (she is 9) and bullies and guilts him into them. She has reported her mothers partner to social services for alleged abuse which she not admits to saying to try and break them up. She openly admits to making it her mission to break myself and her dad up.

I had enough.
I left.
I had to protect my kids and myself.
I love him totally but she is dangerous to be around.

He is living in our house and I got my keys to a rental house today. He has begged me to stay, told me he now wants to marry me. He wants to have kids with me.

I feel so guilty because I've watched him cry every day since I told him I was going but I can't be around or have my children around his DS when she is so toxic and it has made me resent her which I don't want to feel that way towards a child.

Someone blow smoke up my bum and tell me I've done the right thing and that I'll survive and not be a celibate hermit for the rest of my days.

I think you are dreadful to talk like that about a young child-he is well rid of you! A 9 year old with behavioral issues needs help and compassion- which you clearly lack.
He doesn’t sound much of a father either if he is doing nothing to help his child. The child isn’t the toxic one here-it’s the adults failing her.

You made the right choice, you have to think about yourself and your DC.

Is there any way a GP or something might consider helping with her behavioural issues?

Megan2018 If I lacked compassion I would not have been the sole carer for this child, changed jobs for her, cars for her and moved house for her.

I have taken her to the school, hospital and drs with her father. We have certainly not done nothing.

It must have been heartbreaking for you but you did it for your children. It wasn’t fair on them to be bullied in their own home and you for that matter. You are an amazing mum.

You have yourself and your children to keep safe and secure.
Ignorance is bliss is he aware of the behaviour? Is the school? Is there some sort of social person involved to help this at such a young age gosh imagine in her teens.
Accusations of a child that age is concerning.
Let's blame you let's blame him it's not your fault you both got together and the kids got issues with your family unit.
I'd say well done. Get together talk to him and live apart if that works.
Put your head up and hang in there. Don't listen to any advice that your bad because you know what you have done is Right by you.
Megan your out of line. Lunatic reply

You absolutely did the right thing, don't listen to anyone who tells you otherwise. You have a duty to protect your children, well done for doing that.

Let her dad sort her out. He should be concentrating on her, not you (no offence!)

100% did the right thing!!!!! X

I agree that you have 100% done the right thing.

The girl needs help, but you can't put yourself and your boys in the firing line while her parents try to get it for her.

You did the right thing. Ignore that first response.... it's far from objective given the information you provided.

Don't go back... don't have a baby with him. You don't need to bring a child into this situation...it would be unfair to your DC and his DD will just get worse.

Well done. Be proud of yourself. Protecting your children is absolutely the right thing to do.

You have absolutely done the right thing by leaving. Your boys deserve a peaceful home.

Your partner has allowed his daughter to terrorize and control the home. You’ve done your best, but you must now protect your children and yourself from her violence, bullying and manipulations.

Do not feel guilty. While you were going above and beyond, he chose to sniff around other women.

You've done the right thing 1000%. Your mental health, and that of your children, must come first.

I'm wondering how much he really wants you back for yourself as opposed to how much he wants you back to again be the primary carer for his troubled daughter? He's going to have to really step up now, isn't he?

And you won't be a celibate hermit!! Give yourself some time to settle into your new life and get your routine going first.

Megan2018 your comment is unfair. The OP is totally doing the right thing by her boys. I have been there. In a relationship where one of my partner’s children had issues and all the patience, kindness and understanding on my part did not stop his child from bullying mine at every opportunity which included swearing, taunting, breaking toys, smashing things up, ripping up books, hitting, biting, even spitting. So we split up. I had to put my children first and allow her parents to deal with her issues. Years later my children are well behaved, kind and really good kids and I hear she still has issues in her teens and still causes as much trouble as she ever did despite having counselling and extra help from her parents and school.

I have a child with Asperger and special needs and I have all the patience in the world but I simply had to recognise what was going on and put my children’s happiness first.

OP I think you have done the right thing. Your ex partner must concentrate all his efforts and time on getting her some help.

I moved on and am in a happy relationship now and so will you when you are ready.

Good luck

OP good for you. Now get them out of your home and point him in elsewhere. Parenting lessons for a start.
Well done you for having lovely DC's. I'm sure that wasn't easy for you.
And it can't have been easy for them either.
I don't envy you. Keep strong

Sad as it is, you've done what you and your children needed.

However, all behaviour is communication. It seems that, in the absence of anything more serious, his daughter is an incredibly unhappy child. What is being done to support her?

Plus that’s a pathetically daft excuse for talking to other women. He must take you for a fool.

Behavioural issues do not mean that other children and the OP should be abused in their own home at all costs. You've done the right thing. This about you and your children. His DD have 2 parents who care about her to help her through his. Your boys only have you to protect them.