I’m 12 months separated and 8 weeks divorced. Definitely ready to get back out dating but have no idea where to start!
It’s 15 years since I was last in this position and a lot has changed. Where do I start?
My situation: with my ExH for 12 years before he came out as bi. Said he didn’t want to act on it and never had but wanted to ‘recognise’ it. At this point, our two DC were 3 and under 1.
I didn’t leave as a) he said he didn’t want to act on it and still loved me, b) we felt there was something to fight for, c) the kids. Muddled through for 18 months.
Fast forward to last Christmas, things still up and down, couples counselling opened up wounds we couldn’t mend, and he left last February.
He had a new boyfriend within a few months, now moved in, playing happy families. I won’t bore you with the rest as it’s very revealing, but needless to say, I don’t recognise (at all) the man I met 15 years ago, or married 8 years ago.
I’ve had my eye on someone since last summer but initially took things slowly as my focus was on my kids and trying to establish a new ‘normal’. He goes through phases of showing great interest, then disappears off the face of the earth for weeks at a time. He makes arrangements to see me when he’s had a couple of drinks, then gets cold feet and cancels when sober. I know there’s no one else on the scene for him but his health hasn’t been good and I know that isolating himself is his way of coping.
So we’re getting nowhere fast, and, to be honest, as much as we get on incredibly well and he ticks all of my boxes, I’m finding this unreliability and inconsistency waring. I know this sounds like a no hoper but he is a genuinely lovely guy and I think lacking in confidence more than anything.
So where do I start? I want dating to be fun but I’m not up for a string of flings. Work is a no-no. I teach in a small secondary school so not only are single men in short supply, it’s too small an environment for things to go wrong.
Working full time with two children, free time is limited and not consistently on the same days, so joining groups is not really possible (although I would love to do this, now is just not the right time).
OLD was considered weird when I was last single (I know it’s not now), and dating apps weren’t even thought of.
I’m in my mid 30s. Not completely hideous looking, but no belter either. Realised that other than well-meaning aunties/friends and creepy drunken men, I’ve not had anyone (apart from exH or recent half-interested fella) tell me how amazing or desirable I am for nearly half my life!
Any tips or advice greatly received!