Best friend jumped into new relationship head first straight after long term relationship break up and I'm worried about him.

[CelestialBodies]

I'm friends with a couple in their 30s. They have been together for 12 years until January, when the guy (I'm a bit closer to him) broke it off. I thought they were perfect together. He says that he's gf emotionally abused him through control. She was shocked when she learned that. Apparently he would do anything to keep her happy and then had ago at her that he's done it. I remember her complaining about it at some point and that he never takes any initiative in the relationship so she feels like his mother. After the abuse bombshell the ex gf is distrought and guilt ridden. She still loves him.

In the meantime, three weeks after the breakup he started a new relationship with a new co-worker. Not just dating, proper boyfriend and girlfriend after just two dates! He still lives with his ex though and they had sex once! His ex is financially dependable on him. She basically went to uni full time to build up her career after helping him advance his for years.

About his new relationship: In his eyes the new girl is a perfect girlfriend sent by fate. After just one date they were talking about the future. She claims she comes from abusive relationship too so in his eyes she's a safe choice. She begs him to never leave her. He told me that she makes him happy so he wants to make her happy too. He admits that he still cares about his ex but the new gf wants the ex out of his life. From what he described that new woman whose much older than him subtly manipulates him and encourages him to get out of his financial agreement with his ex. She makes up some weird stories about the ex, like that she probably has a secret phone to interrupt their dates (when their common friend sent a text to his phone instead of the ex), that she's dangerous and will physically hurt him, that she's lying about being at uni, that kind of crazy stuff. I know the ex and she's not like this. But what's worry me is that the new gf asked my friend to not to ever compliment other women and not to be friendly to them. To top it off, they are not using any protection during sex and I'm worried that she'll be trying to trap him with a baby. I tried to gently suggest that the new gf sounds alarming and after just three weeks she's being controlling plus telling almost complete stranger that you'd do anything to be with him is a big, red flag in my opinion, but he's defensive and blind to it all. I'm worried that if I persist he will turn on me. Am I exaggerating? What would you advise to do?

How is the xGF getting on?

Oh my another woman blindly believing what a man says as truth with zero evidence.

This guy is not your friend. He uses you as an emotional tampon.
He's made you a flying monkey in his drama triangle.

The only reason his new gf would be saying all these crazy things about his ex is because he put these ideas in her head just like he put the ideas that she is abusive into your head.

Your friend used his ex for 12 years to finance his career and now that he is good and it was her turn, he decides to cheat with this new woman and ditch her. That support only worked one way...to benefit him.

He's a manipulative con artist. You're being used too but you just don't see it.

I really hope OP that you are not the xGF desperately hanging in there and hoping that the new RS will implode and he comes back to you? If you are please don’t put yourself through anymore pain and humiliation. Get a plan together and get out.

Funny, we are always reminded to believe the victim.
Yet here is a male who has mentioned abuse, and nope he's not the victim. Males do get abused and often suffer in silence because no-one believes them, and looking at some of the comments can we blame them for suffering in silence? He might have been walking around on eggshells, no-one can know for certain.

There's been no mention of any children, so this ex could have done her studies at the same time as him. And considering this is her last semester, not like he's supported her for a short period of time.

As we know from other threads, sometimes we don't realise we are in an abusive relationship until we start talking about it.

@CelestialBodies, I agree with TatianaLarina. She has described your friend perfectly. He is a user who has moved on to another woman when his now ex. ceased to be of use to him and needed his support. I know what I’m talking about. I’m getting divorced from the same sort of man after over 20 years of relationship and marriage. Love-bombed, devalued, discarded. I don’t doubt that the new woman, vulnerable, needy, grateful for being love-bombed, will want you out of his life soon too. Hopefully two disordered people have found their soulmates and can leave the rest of the undisordered population alone for the rest of their lives. By the way my ex suggested that I was abusive and controlling too, when the boot was actually on the other foot. It’s the way of making himself look like a good guy and the OW is wonderful too, because she has saved him. I was never abusive, and those who know me know that to be true. Those who don’t know me, or who support him, I don’t want to occupy their orbit and I don’t care what they think of me. The OW will have been on the scene for a while. Good luck to them!