In love with someone else

[letsdothisoneanon]

What would you do if you are (or at least want to be) happily married with children and you develop strong feelings for someone that you've worked closely with and developed a strong friendship with for the best part of a decade? Unknown whether those feelings are reciprocated beyond friendship. How do you make them go away? Is it possible to maintain a friendship?

Or is this an emotional affair?

Is this taking up emotional real estate and energy that should be dedicated to your husband and marriage?

Just as a matter of exercise for this thread, could you lay out how you think the conversation would go if you were to be open with your husband about this?

Wife: Husband, there is something I don't really want to tell you, but...

Husband: ???

@samyea I don't know, I can be distracted. Mainly think about him when I am alone (early mornings or late at night).

He would be so upset if I told him I had feelings for another man, would likely want to know what he has done wrong and blame himself, probably quite angry that I am betraying him but I can't help it! I wish I wasn't

What ozziewozzie said.
Stay away from this other man as much as possible. If you are already spending so much time thinking about him, you will drive yourself crazy if he ever learns how you feel or reciprocates.
You say you are happily married. Are you really. Be honest with yourself and save a lot of heart ache further down the line if this carries on and gets worse.
I wish you well, and know that you are not alone in ever having felt like this!

Are you two behaving in a way or saying things that you wouldn’t want your spouses to see or hear?

Are you messaging outside of work?

You can help it. It is just going to take some effort to redirect your thoughts and emotions.

Yes, you’ve already been having an affair. Not OK.

I actually think that it’s ok just to see it for what it is - a crush - and know that it will pass.
I think if you recognise the danger and have some boundaries and lines you don’t cross such as
Not meeting alone
Not messaging or not messaging that you wouldn’t want spouse to see
Never talking of ‘it’ to each other
Avoiding alcohol when socialising or at least being extremely careful
Not confiding in each other about your relationships

Then you should be ok.
I think the danger comes when you don’t see it coming and gradually you cross life and more lines

We will all come across people we fancy a bit, and people that fancy us. It’s unrealistic to think otherwise. It’s what you do with it, or not.

I had this, and acted on it, and it's one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made in my life. You can't be friends, keep it professional.

Give yourself a reality check. If the fancy man doesn’t seem to want to go beyond friendship, then you’re wasting your time. How are you going to find out if he wants a love affair with you ? It’ll be damn embarrassing if you ask him and he repels you.

Anyway, Sounds like you have a good marriage, so why screw it up ???

Give yourself a reality check. If the fancy man doesn’t seem to want to go beyond friendship, then you’re wasting your time. How are you going to find out if he wants a love affair with you ? It’ll be damn embarrassing if you ask him and he repels you.

Considering he is married with children as well, hopefully one of them has their head on straight.

How does he feel about you ? Or is it just in your head ?