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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I need a sanity check

11 replies

Sweetmummy77 · 18/02/2020 04:14

Ok I am about to possibly end things with my oh. I have tried talking with him but made to look silly and completely made me feel small. We haven't had a fight or anything. I really wanted to see what others thought.
We had a really good relationship. Suddenly last July he stopped being intimate overnight. Since Christmas he will sleep on the sofa more often then not. If i try and hug him i get pushed away for being too hot or even too cold.
To top it all off recently i found he had a stash of toys and bits which he has been using. I was away over the weekend and they got used as well as an old laptop by the bed. He used to be very affectionate but now nothing.

OP posts:
annielennoxstuckinmyhead · 18/02/2020 06:12

You need to be strong and leave, he sounds awful. There's so much more to life than this. Don't allow him to make you feel this way. I really hope you're ok. Nothing worse than someone making you feel like you're going insane.

Sweetmummy77 · 18/02/2020 07:23

I'm ok, i feel a little bit confused about what is happening to be honest. I wasn't sure if it was in my head and i was asking too much of him.

OP posts:
Rainbowqueeen · 18/02/2020 07:27

You are definitely doing the right thing
If you don’t leave now you will feel more and more miserable and rejected
He couldn’t be clearer in his actions

Yes it will hurt but friends and family to support you and you will be ok. Just rip that band aid off

Sweetmummy77 · 18/02/2020 08:17

I agree, i need to walk away as there is nothing for me at all. He says all the right things but actions speak louder than words. Even this morning he told me he loves me but i don't believe him. I'm annoyed at myself as i'm usually quite a strong person. I guess i wanted to give him the benefit of the dount.

OP posts:
something2say · 18/02/2020 08:20

There seems to be something going on and you don't know what it is. For whatever reason, he has changed and is not being up front about what and why. He is expecting you to believe nothing is wrong. But it is.

For sure, step back no if he asks, be honest. I'm sorry he has ruined things. Not a great start to a life together is it, if he can't frame the problem and find a solution.

You're not wrong x

Sweetmummy77 · 18/02/2020 09:15

I definitely need to. I feel a lot more human knowing i am not over reacting or reading too much into things. Even a couple of weeks ago i felt nothing i did was right. I made several meals. Not one was right, too cold, too much. Not enough etc. In the end i broke down and he stopped. But thats not enough, i want to be with someone who actually loves me not just says it. X

OP posts:
WhyArePiratesCalledPirates · 18/02/2020 09:18

Get out now.
My "d"h decided that he hasn't really felt that way about me for roughly 8 years.
We have been married 5 and have a 2 year old.
Now I have to unpick our lives cos he is a fucking coward. Just leave. Save urself the heartache.

Sweetmummy77 · 18/02/2020 11:59

I'm so sorry you are having to go through that. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt and not jumping to conclusions but its not looking good. x

OP posts:
Sweetmummy77 · 18/02/2020 15:57

Time to bite the bullet. Going home to talk to him. I know in my heart its not going to be a happy ending. I miss what he was not what he been the last 6 months. Ultimately he has invested in living some kind of lie what ever that is. Its up to me to take myself out of the equation

OP posts:
WhyArePiratesCalledPirates · 18/02/2020 17:36

Good luck.
Hope it goes as well as these things can.

Snausage · 20/02/2020 09:45

How are you, OP? How did it go?

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