Things are not great in my marriage. We've been together 20 years, 4 teenaged kids, some pretty turbulent life circumstances. In the past three years, I have changed considerably, having recovered from a long term illness and gone back to work, in which I am doing very well. I used to be very timid and acquiescing, and now I am more assertive and less likely to just overlook bad behaviour.
I mention that because, tbh, my husband has always had a tendency to enormous petulant sulks, but I was very prone to tiptoe around him for the first 15 years or so, and I'm not really doing that anymore.
Today I came home from work at around 3.30, having being in since 6.30am. I walked the dog, emptied all the bins and put the wheelie bin out for morning, put a wash on, did some admin and a few other bits. When he arrived home at 6, the first thing he did was point at the dirty crocks needing washing and say "This is a fucking joke".
I was short in reply, asking why he was telling me off. He said he wasn't, he was telling the kids off. I was the only other person even downstairs. I tried to explain that I had done quite a bit already, and I found it difficult to hear him berating me about what hadn't been done and he got cross with me and told me I was 'going on' about his faults and should drop it.
The rest of the evening has passed with him staring at his mobile, huffing loudly every now and then, and I just let him get on with it. I cooked tea, put the wash in the dryer and sat down after dinner to watch something with one of the kids. He suddenly stomped through the room announcing he was going to have a bath.
He came down later, went into the kitchen, and started ranting about how the washing up still wasn't done. One of the older kids went in to make a drink, and he started shouting at them for not doing any housework today, and I heard a crash. He had thrown a saucepan. I don't know if he had aimed it, or just slammed it into the floor in a temper.
I sent the kids upstairs and went in to see what was going on. He was bashing cutlery about and said something I didn't catch. I started to help clear away the plates, habit more than anything.
He told me to stop, and angrily said he would do it, as he is the only one who does anything. I couldn't be bothered to argue, so I left him to it. The thing is, I suspect the next time I see him, he will act as if nothing has happened. It's been a recurring pattern in the years since I went back to work.
I think the writing is on the wall. For a number of reasons, we don't share a bedroom anymore, and I honestly just don't like him very much. He's rude, makes bigoted jokes, and has these negative sulks followed by a big sweetness and light act.
But we have four dependents, debt, and I only earn £800 a month and have no savings. I don't know what to do.