No initial ‘spark’

[Justwondered12]

There is a guy I know from work ( my last work place) who I initially thought was very attractive . This wore off and I forgot it. I then got to know him a bit at work events. We had a bit of social media contact, but not much.

Anyway , I met him a couple of weeks ago for a catch up and I really enjoyed it. He has been in touch again and I think we will meet soon.

Anyway, he is attractive but not my type and I am not his type. But , we do have quite a bit in common, same age , both ready for a longer term commitment . Can the romantic attachment grow? Anyone go for someone they weren’t initially exceptionally attracted to ? Any experiences welcome .

give it a go?

I say give it a try. I have a type, big, chunky and bearded and so far they have all dumped me in my post married dating life! So if he's not your usual type but there are other qualities give him a go. You did say you found him attractive?

There's no point having a relationship with someone you're not sexually attracted to at the beginning of the relationship unless you are happy to have a dull sex life.

If sex and sexual attraction aren't important to you then it wouldn't be settling, it would be a good match.

All relationships "settle down" long term (well, most do), and often people either then split up, or work on bringing the spark back. You can't, however, rekindle something that was never alight in the first place.

And if you're not sure about the impact of a sexless/LTR without sexual attraction, to a Mumsnet search of sexless marriages to see what it does.

Yes on a couple of occasions. Most recently my friends son (older friend), never saw him that way but we got on well. One night he filled a space on a night out as someone had fallen ill and after a few drinks, talking and dancing a spark happened quite unexpectedly. We started seeing each other but kept it quiet as to not affect my friendship with his mother incase it didn't work out but then it came out once we made it official. Anyway he is now my husband

I don't agree with the whole online swipe left/right thing. You truly have to get to know someone first before a proper attraction can come. You could have someone drop dead gorgeous but have nothing in common and find them really dull.

There is a belief that sometimes you need to give dating a bit of time to allow feelings like this to grow. There’s certainly advice not to write people off after one date.

A friend of mine felt this way once and was persuaded to carry on seeing him. She fell in love, got the spark and has a wonderful life. It actually broke her cycle of falling for good looking alphas who inevitably cheated.

In your case you know this guy but may have friend-zoned him. Give it some time but if it doesn’t happen don’t continue. It’s about you seeing him in a new way and maybe getting over types you think you want.

I have ever quite understood the spark thing. I would think a greater and more solid relationships are built over time including sexual desire part.