I have a friend that I've known for six years. Always been in love with him. Until three years ago, we used to meet up every few months as friends (we live in neighbouring counties) and we'd always end up acting like a couple eg. hand holding in public, going to restaurants, all the sex of course and we just got on really well. However, he never wanted a relationship, used to give reasons like I was too immature for him, until eventually he said that whilst he finds me attractive, he just didn't fancy me (which has to involve an emotional connection, he said, which he didn't feel for me).
We had a period of three years of not seeing each other, but we still messaged (though it was mainly me messaging and sometimes he wasn't very nice). I thought I was over him, especially as I had a boyfriend in the middle of that for over a year. Then we finally met up again in January, as I was going through a bad time and he apologised for being a shit friend all these years and that he did care.
We had a great time, he stayed overnight but nothing beyond a quick fondle happened. I assumed he wasn't interested and I didn't mind, I was recovering from a break up. Then after our meet I asked if I'd changed much blah blah and he said that I'd improved massively, that I was now mature and independent and basically all the negative things that had put him off before had now gone, and I was easier to talk to etc. He said that in the past, he had not realised how immature he was and that he had been scared of commitment and was ashamed of seeing someone from the internet (how we met, as friends). THEN, he admitted that he HAD fancied me in the past, with an emotional connection and feelings and everything. But he just pretended he didn't because it was easier than leading me on and hurting me if it didn't work out.
He came again for a couple of days a few weeks later, and things quickly got sexual (prompted by me). Then the day he left, I got upset because I finally plucked up the courage to ask him if he was interested, and he basically said that we live too far apart and it wouldn't be practical, and it wasn't a case of him not liking me enough. I said those were just excuses and don't stop people getting into relationships if they like each other.
He rang me the next day to apologise and admit that they WERE excuses, and he WAS interested.
So he came again on Saturday, another great time until the night time when I asked him if he had feelings for me. He got upset, and I got upset, and after stumbling around and dithering on words for ages, he eventually said that whilst he loves me as his best friend, and he thinks I am sex on legs and that we'd have a great life together and he has TONS of affection for me, he doesn't LOVE me. He said it hurts him because he WANTS to love me, desperately, but he just doesn't. He said when we have sex, he feels nothing, and he doesn't think that will ever change.
It was awful. I cried my eyes out. After finally getting over this guy, I thought he had been hinting that he wanted to try again, and I let myself feel for him again.
I almost feel angry because I don't understand how you can get on like a house on fire with someone, have such similar values, have the same visions for a future that would fit together perfectly, have amazing sex and have a great affection for each other.... but not LOVE that person?
He's an eccentric guy, who's not conventionally attractive and not at all like any 27 year old you would ever meet. That sounds awful, but I'm trying to say that he doesn't get loads of female attention. Even though he's a Doctor! Yet I love him so much, always have, and it seems I tick all of his boxes for a wife, apart from this magical 'love' box.
I don't get it!
Has anyone else been in this situation? How do you get past it? It is so upsetting and frustrating.