Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partner with severe depression/mental health problems. Grief triggered.

20 replies

Chloooe22 · 17/02/2020 17:39

Hi

My partner lost his mum a year ago. He is really struggling with the loss but won’t speak up or get any help. I was pregnant when his mum died and our boy is now 9 months old.

He has always been a loving, funny, loyal person and would do anything for us. A week ago he walked out on us and said he didn’t want me anymore and he can’t do this anymore. He said things like ‘how can I support you when I can’t support myself’. This is completely out of character. He wanted this family unit more than anything and I’m so upset and confused as to why he doesn’t want me anymore when he wanted another baby last week!

He said he can hear voices in his head telling him to just go and what’s the point anymore and he says he doesn’t want to be here. All I get from him is I don’t want to be with you Chloe. I don’t want you. Leave me alone. But then he’s said he’s lonely and he loves me. I don’t believe for a minute home life is so bad so I know it is in his head.

How can you help someone who doesn’t want to be helped?

To make matters worse he’s been out this weekend taking drugs and he’s slept with someone else as a one night stand. I’m so distraught and don’t know what to do, I’m still on maternity leave☹️

I just wondered if anyone else had been through this before and what I can do to make him see what he has at home before it is too late.

X Chloe X

OP posts:
RLEOM · 17/02/2020 20:31

You poor thing, this must be tough on all of you. Can you try speaking to his doctor?

Original poster
Chloooe22 · 17/02/2020 20:57

I don't think you can do anything without his consent. I'm just so worried and I wish I could do something to save our relationship. Its so out of character. I feel sick x

OP posts:
Heartburn888 · 17/02/2020 22:32

You can ring his doctor and tell them what has gone on and ask them to phone to speak to him if you are concerned about his state of mind and safety.

Pretty shit he’s gone out and slept with someone else I understand that he’s hurting but to do that to you is disrespectful especially when 1. You’ve just had his baby and 2. You’re trying to support him through his grief. For me, that would be the end of it.

These things sadly happen but keep strong lovely, if you don’t feel like you can continue due to his cheating then ask him to leave, he shouldn’t be putting you through hell too

Original poster
Chloooe22 · 17/02/2020 23:01

That's the thing, he keeps coming back late at night for work clothes. I told him not to come back last night but I could hear him in the car outside punching himself and screaming. I let him sleep on the sofa but I won't be doing it again.

I felt abit stronger today.

I just want the best for my baby boy that's all I want ☹️

OP posts:
Qwerty543 · 17/02/2020 23:06

He's grieving yes but that doesn't give him the right to treat you like shit. Don't let him walk all over you. Direct him to his GP as he's clearly depressed but if he refuses to seek help there isn't really anything you can do so I'd walk away to protect yourself.

TorkTorkBam · 17/02/2020 23:07

Did he take drugs before?

Original poster
Chloooe22 · 17/02/2020 23:11

He took drugs when he was younger as in late teens but never since we have been together no. I don't condone drugs he knows this. But with him, drugs aren't good for him he's got family history of psychosis and other mental problems. So they lead to a downwards spiral.

His family have told me not to let him near his son but I feel so harsh. But on the other hand he's not been bothered about him for a week.

I feel so much better actually speaking out loud to people I dont know.

Thank you all so much x

OP posts:
suggestionsplease1 · 17/02/2020 23:18

This sounds pretty serious OP. Your number 1 priority is your son and yourself - and staying safe. I would be extremely worried that his family have said not to let him near his son. It sounds like he needs to see his GP asap - you mention that he is hearing voices - depending on how he experiences these that can be a sign of psychosis and schizophrenia. For some people these voices can change and give him different instructions that might include harming others as well as themselves, and professionals probably need to assess him to establish how safe he is now and find a good course forward for him. I really dont want to scare you but I think you need to take this very seriously.

Original poster
Chloooe22 · 17/02/2020 23:30

Yes you're right this is very serious that's why I can't just brush it off. I've not eaten or slept in over a week now. I've tried my best but I just feel so sick and upset.
It was actually his uncle who told me to keep my son away as yes the voices do change. At the moment they are telling him to go, go, go and what's the point but I understand these can lead into something dangerous.

His mother had history of schizophrenia and psychosis but she was a drug addict. She did manage to come clean for 15 years before passing away.

I feel like everything is a mess 😔
Oh and it's my birthday tomorrow, my first one as a mum and I'm laid wide awake wondering if he has the decency to get me a card. I highly doubt it.

OP posts:
suggestionsplease1 · 17/02/2020 23:40

Happy birthday for tomorrow. If he is very unwell he might be unable to think of considerate things to do for you, he's just not in the right place for it. Many people experiencing psychosis /schizophrenia use drugs to try to self medicate but as you know this can make things worse. There are some good medications that are very likely to improve his experiences, but he does need need to see a GP about this. You need support too. hugs

Comtesse · 17/02/2020 23:45

Could you go and stay with your family or a friend? Not sure it’s safe to be there and keeping your baby safe is key. Flowers for you, sounds awful....

TorkTorkBam · 17/02/2020 23:46

He is hearing voices. He won't be getting you a card. Even if he does you shouldn't let him close enough to give it to you.

His reaction to losing his mum who had serious issues is a sign that all was not well before. Leave him to his family. Keep your distance. Don't let him near the child.

poopbear · 18/02/2020 03:53

You can’t let him have the baby right now. He’s not well. He needs counselling and medication. There’s the charity called MIND. Have a look at their website. If he’s screaming and punching himself and using drugs you can’t let him come near you. Have you got family you could go stay with so you are safe?

Original poster
Chloooe22 · 18/02/2020 09:59

I wouldn't let him look after baby no way. He doesn't even want to. He hasn't asked about him.

He did get me a card, i should be grateful but I feel like his nan bought it and made him give me it. My mum send a Moonpig one through the post which was beautiful but she shouldn't have to do this.

He has no feelings at all he says and he's just numb. I just wish he would see a doctor it's breaking my heart and it hurts every second of the day knowing he feels like this. I feel like he's died it's just not him at all. And it was all so sudden and out of the blue.

X

OP posts:
suggestionsplease1 · 18/02/2020 14:16

If it's a serious situation where a person is a risk to themselves or to others they can be sectioned, OP. Ideally it doesn't get to that stage and they recognise themselves and through discussion with family, partners and friends, that they need to voluntarily get help from their GP and a referral to a psychiatrist. But life doesn't always work out that way. I think the nearest relative to the person has more influence in this area, to express concerns and request an assessment to see if sectioning is the right way forward.

Original poster
Chloooe22 · 18/02/2020 21:00

He wouldn't consent to that. He won't even consent to a bloody doctors appointment. I'm struggling to try anymore. I just know if I don't get help nobody else will and he will end up...you know ☹️.

I can't deal with this anymore it's destroying me x

OP posts:
Original poster
Chloooe22 · 20/02/2020 19:22

So he's back home sleeping on the sofa. For 2 reasons, 1, I want to make sure he's not taking drugs so he can be around our son and if he's staying elsewhere I won't know for sure and 2, I'm an idiot and can't help myself.

He said he would stop the drugs but as it's nearly the weekend I'll soon find out if he's telling the truth.

I really don't want to break up but he's adamant he doesn't want to be with me anymore because 'I've pushed him away'. I don't agree. I think he's pushed me away since his mum died as he wouldn't let me in at all he closed me off for a very long time.

I just want our normal family back. I'm really struggling to accept all what's gone on and it's making me quite ill.

I'm fed up of all the arguing and cross words so we've agreed to be ok for the baby.

Are things gonna get better or worse in this situation? 😔

OP posts:
Upsydaisyy · 20/02/2020 20:00

This sounds very stressful for you. It’s also a possibility he could be suffering with the male version of PND. It really would help if he would go to the doctors

Original poster
Chloooe22 · 20/02/2020 20:21

My mum actually said that. I think it's an imbalance of been happy and sad from the birth and a death.
It's all getting too much for me. I just want to be happy again x

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread