I know this sounds ridiculous but I'm really worried that dp has a shopping problem

[CoffeeHigh]

dp lost his job last year and has been very down about it as the work he's picked up doesn't pay as much as his old job and is just generally not as nice. He's been pretty low but agreed to take on a number of household building type projects we were going to do as he has a bit more time and he enjoys those.

part of those projects required him to buy some things (like paint etc.). I had noticed a lot of stuff being delivered but didn't really think anything of it. He also stopped the online food order and has been going to the shop himself which he has never wanted to do and never done before!

I had a quick look at the December/Jan credit card statement and saw the number of transactions was absolutely enormous. I spoke to dp and he said he needed to get a load of stuff for all these projects but did seem quite sheepish. When he was out this weekend, I went through the cupboards and saw loads, and I mean loads, of unopened packages everywhere. I confronted dp and he said when he had been shopping for the stuff for the projects, he had noticed there were a lot of sales - e.g. we have a friend's party this year that needs fancy dress so he said he ordered us fancy dress things now. He said that a load of the other stuff he was just 'trying out' and was going to return lots of them

I do think he has got a problem. I think he has got used to the thrill of a package arriving.

I have no idea, i mean no idea how to deal with this or even if he will admit this is a problem. Does anyone have any experience of it?

No experience but I think you need to nip this in the bud straight away!
I take it this is joint money?

I had an ex like that and it kept putting us in debt. Ended up spending £300 a month just on interest for stuff we didn't need. It was so stressful getting the post every day (and we earned good money but he always spent more than we had).

some is and some isn't - yes, I agree. I am seriously just gobsmacked. He is the last person in the world I would think this would happen to. I hate shopping, barely buy a thing and dp was very similar to me so the fact that this is happening, I am actually struggling to come to terms with it. I don't even know how to start trying to address it with him as I think he will deny it outright.

Print off the credit card statement and get all those unopened packages out of the cupboards - he's going to have a job denying it then.

Seriously op - you need to tackle this head on before it becomes a major problem.

Well he can't 'deny' it can he OP, it's on the credit card statements and the goods are literally in the house.

I'd sit down with him and offer to help return them, get him to agree that he doesn't use joint money for this and if he does you will be transferring your salary into your own account. It sounds harsh OP but he is wasting your money, family money on nonsense. I would go back to online groceries also.

There are ways to deal with things, if he is low he needs to take responsibility and see the GP, start talking therapy, exercise etc- not spend other peoples money and make his life worse.

If he really hasn't got a problem he will have no issue stopping.

Shopping can definitely become an addiction and needs to be taken seriously. Something like this may help?

This ended my marriage last year.
He was secretly compulsively buying 'stuff', he had maxed out 3 credit cards and owed his parents thousands by the time I found out.

He'd also spent our savings and was not saving every month towards a house deposit like he was telling me he had.

I felt so stupid for not noticing but he kept telling me he was buying and reselling stuff on Ebay.
The deceit and lies were too much and we are now divorcing.

He'd done it before, I'd already helped him clear his debt once. He was not able to change.
Since splitting, I've noticed how much of a money drain he was. I spend about 25% of what I used to on bills and food for me and the kids.

Good luck, I hope you can change him, but I dod doubt it.

yes this does exist, I know a woman who was seriously Bipolar, she did it. ridiculous impetuous purchasing.
if you can't afford it it has to go back, print out statement, time to stop it before it gets out of control.

My sister is exactly like this. She was living at home at the time, and would have easily 10 items delivered a day at its worst.

Usually rubbish little bits from wish.com, or tops from china on ebay. nothing really costing over £5.

after months of jokes from the family about her spending from the family, we finally realised it was more serious that her wasting her wage, She really was addicted, depressed and shopping online seemed to be the only thing that made her happy for a few minites in time.

Please don't be too harsh on your husband, be open and honest and try to help him. My sister was so ashamed of the amount of tat she had accumulated.

Having said that, you husband my just be rubbish with money, and a bit of a spender !

I know a lady with dementia who, after her husband passed away, spent the best part of £100k on mail order clothes!

Not actually that relevant to this story but I’ve been wanting to tell someone for years and never had the right opportunity!!!

I would try not to be too harsh, have a look at your credit score and your husbands and double check you’re not in too much trouble and then address the issue. Hope all will be okay in the end!

Poor him.
It's an addition like any others.

Talking therapy on the nhs is very good.

Return everything you possibly can and cut his access to money until he can be trusted