Partners mood changes when step daughter is home.

[EmJW271993]

My partner and I have been together for two years. I have an amazing relationship with his 5 year old daughter, who I consider to be my step daughter, although we are not married.

My partner does MMA, so he trains a lot. I regularly have my step daughter when he trains on Saturday, so he is gone for over 4 hours. I play, cook, read, wash her clothes and bath her. He does contribute but I would say I do more.

However, his mood is different when we have DSD. It's not her fault in anyway. She is very attached to me. He is very loving towards her, but towards me? He has no patience, he gets very snappy and distant with me, sometimes I feel as though he doesn't even acknowledge, I'll ask him to help with the cleaning and he complains that he never gets anytime to relax. It's getting to the point where I am dreading the weekends. I have tried to speak to him about it but it goes over his head.

I spent all day yesterday cleaning, doing the laundry and making food, I bathed DSD and dried her hair and when it was time to put her to bed he asked me to make him a tea whilst he ran himself a bath?

Have any of you experienced anything similar?
I don't have anyone to talk to about this so I'm posting it on here. Thank you in advance.

I think you're finding out why his relationship with the child's mother failed OP. Maybe he treated her like a housekeeper too? He is the parent to this child, not you, and you do not need to 'take turns' with anything. If he's this bad so early on in the relationship then it doesn't hold promise.

Well done for realising this isn't right. My kids spend their weekend with their df and my stbxh felt I should then do all the parenting if his. From the minute I picked them up (I know!) to drop off time I was chief entertainer, cook, soother, bath time everything and yes, he used to go and wallow in the bath. I never had any time to myself and was put last by everyone including myself. I don't know what I learnt growing up either, but now I'm a single parent and happier and although I miss them dearly I am finding myself and what makes me happy, rather than trying to keep everyone else happy. It's really crucial you don't put yourself 3rd in this dynamic. Well done on planning time away for you. If he guilt trips you he's in emotional abuse territory

Oh my god absolutely LTB. The absolute cheek of his attitude is shocking. She is not your responsibility at all and he should be bloody grateful when you do something for her, not to mention shouldn't be doing his club when she is there. He's convinced you this is normal for a step parent and it is not. He is awful, he is the problem.

OP, you sound like a really nice person, who is perhaps vulnerable to being taken advantage of, and perhaps feels very alone after the tragic loss of your parents so young, and yearns for the family void to be filled?

He's either filthy rich or the best shag in the galaxy. Because I can't think of any other reason that he managed to sell this life to you.

Get out!!

Don't you see he is using you? Subconscious ky he probably does not respect you for being a bit of doormat (though it us so useful to him)

Be less accommodating, be less available, go and do your own thing. You are not this MSN's au pair or housekeeper

Imagine you have your own child with him. You need run.

Although you have a lovey bond with your dsd I feel you have created a rod for your own back here by doing the parenting of his daughter.

If his daughter comes to visit on the days he would like to go to the gym then he needs to rearrange because his daughter comes to see him, not you.

Sounds like he’s gotten use to you doing the majority so you need to take a step back and let him look after his daughter. Maybe next time she comes to visit, make some plans we’re you’ll be out for the majority of the day

There is nothing better than being 26 and single. Just saying

My DH does very little for my DD while my DD's SM does pretty much everything for her. That's not because my DH doesn't care/love her - it's my place whereas my ex thinks childcare/housework is beneath him guess why I left him

Don't let this become your life! It's also not fair on his daughter!