Name changed for this.
Me and DH been together for 13 years in total. Two Children but passed the infant stages, and we work different shifts so do often get time together in the daytimes.
I don't know if I may be reading too much into this cause I have quite bad body image hang ups, or if DH has actually went off me in some ways.
The frequency of sex has remained the same as when we first met. 2-9 times a week on average. He does usually initiate. However since I turned 30 3 years ago I've felt I want to explore more, not the amount but the activities and there are a few things I've noticed which make me wonder if he's not as attracted to me and hurt me a little and if I'm honest, frustrate me. Not sure if relevant DH early-mid forties.
He over the past couple years has stopped going down on me. I know I have no hygiene issues so it's not that. He still asks for oral often though, and intercourse. Oral on me I have always been meh about anyway so not bothered but it's more why the sudden change.
He doesn't kiss me as often or as long.
He does still touch me everywhere during but maybe not as much, definitely not as much as at the start. To be fair, I went through a stage of very very bad body image for 2 years and refused much of his touch as I felt repulsive in myself, this has been resolved for 2 years now though.
Foreplay is almost non existent after the first 3-4 years, no matter how much I mention about that.
He will try to get me 'there' during ie doing things I like, stalling himself, but if I don't (maybe two thirds of the time) he makes no effort to finish me. Although he would if I asked I think, and rarely ie every 2 months, will offer to. Again, this started about the 3-4 year mark.
We still enjoy it, and mostly feel connected. There are other relationship issues like everyone else, but I am sure we are both happier with eachother than not on balance.
The above bother me though. I have tried to speak to him on numerous occasions, but he's not very communicative in general, and swears he does want to do this or that, will do it next time (never does but would if I asked at the time), there is no problem and I'm just making problems where they don't exist!! Refuses to say anything else on the matter.
The thing about asking is, I wouldn't enjoy if I asked him to do things he doesn't or rarely does of his own initiative, so it's a catch 22 really. If I don't ask he doesn't do (although the frequency is fine maybe even a bit much for me I'm happy with 1-3 times a week, but ok with more) , if I ask I don't enjoy cause I feel like he doesn't want to and is only doing it to 'humour' me, which brings up insecurities.
Don't even know what I'm trying to ask, but although it's minor in the grand scheme of things, I feel like I'm wasting my best years (in that sense). Anyone any advice??