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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Toxic relationship What To Do?

1 reply

iphammer · 16/02/2020 15:51

I have been with my partner for just under 4 years we have a 2-year-old son and been living together for just over 2 years.

I am at the point of the relationship where I’ve had enough and want it finished.

After nearly every argument she ends it with change he’s name meaning change our sons surname and she is gone. In other words, she won’t leave until he’s name has been changed so i don’t find him. We could argue over silly things like our son drawing on the walls in the flat that we have which I have recently painted. I would tell our son its not ok and give him a piece of paper instead but she would interrupt and say it is ok you can draw on the walls or if he wants something that he has seen high up and I say no she always says it ok give it to him.

So whatever I say she says the oppersite.

She refuses to let me take our son to see my family on my own unless she comes and if she doesn’t want to go then he can’t come which is effecting the relationship that I have with my family.

If i take our son out to the supermarket or park on my own she is calling me constantly saying where are you and asking if I am with some slut when in fact she knows where I am.

I can’t take my son anywhere on my own without coming home to her being angry.

She is originally from Romania and only has her sister here in the UK who she hardly see’s, she doesn’t work either so doesn’t have money to find somewhere else to live.

We have a joint mortgage together ( have had the mortgage for the past year), she paid the deposit £10K and I pay all the bills meaning I am working just to survive so don’t have any savings.

The relationship is toxic and its effecting my mental health. She refuses to seek help and tried a number of times to top herself in front of me and our son.

I don’t have money to move out so what can I do?

OP posts:
12345kbm · 16/02/2020 16:10

I'm sorry you're in this situation OP. She doesn't sound very mentally well.

I would look into applying for primary custody as I wouldn't want my child with her full time. It doesn't sound as though she's capable of looking after a young child and her mental health could deteriorate further if you're not there.

I would look into a prohibited steps order so she can't take your child or change his name.

You need legal advice regarding the house so see a solicitor as soon as you can. You can find a Family Law solicitor here.

Not letting you see your family without her and accusing you of cheating is abusive. You can contact Mankind for advice and support.

Start a log of her behaviour with any evidence such as Emails.

Check out the CABx guide to Ending a Relationship.

Gingerbread can give you advice on child contact etc

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