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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ex and maintenance. What do I do?

13 replies

Crafty11 · 16/02/2020 13:33

Split from ex when DS was 6 months old. He is now 3.5. Ex was abusive emotionally and financially. He's just not a nice person and I see through him when he tries to act nice.
He pays me maintenance so can't complain as alot of women don't even get that. However today we had a conversation about him helping when DS is ill and can't go to nursery. My son has health issues. So far it's me who takes the days off work to look after him which I don't get paid for. This month so far is 2 days I've had to take and that a big dent in my money.
Ex told me today he has got a promotion and so therefore can't take days off. He also lives rent free atm and told me yesterday he purchased a collectable that he can sell on. Which I know these make a huge profit like 300 to 400. So he has all this money yet I struggle and take time off work and take the financial hit.
I don't know his exact income figure but going by what I roughly think it is he is underpaying me on maintenance.
What do I do? Ask for more? Ask how much he now gets paid?
Do nothing and keep the peace?
I could cry out of anger and frustration because it's just not fair. He has a comfortable life witg money and in constantly worrying about making ends meet.

OP posts:
Mintjulia · 16/02/2020 13:35

Get CMS to recalculate his maintenance.

Crafty11 · 16/02/2020 13:41

Sorry just to say. We don't go through cms. We did it between ourselves. I thought it was fair at the time but now he's had promotions and pays less bills he has alot of money

OP posts:
MadisonMontgomery · 16/02/2020 13:43

You need to go through CMS.

SuperMeerkat · 16/02/2020 13:45

CMS

LemonTT · 16/02/2020 13:46

Why have you never formalised maintenance via the CMS? If you think you would get more that way, surely it’s the way to go.

Unfortunately he can’t be forced to assume greater parental access responsibilities than he wants. The only leverage you have is that the more overnights he has the less maintenance he would have to pay. But that’s awfully cynical way to parent, if you can call it that.

CMS is your answer.

LemonTT · 16/02/2020 13:47

Increased income is your business. Less bills is not going to make any difference. It’s not your business. You have to let that go.

Crafty11 · 16/02/2020 13:48

We didn't go through it because I used to think it was fair. Also him being abusive I was worried he would try take my DS more nights just so he could pay less. He's threatened so many times.

OP posts:
Clangus00 · 16/02/2020 13:51

CMS, it’s the only way to ensure your son gets what he’s entitled to fairly.

Clangus00 · 16/02/2020 13:52

He can definitely take you to court and ask for 50/50 care of his son to reduce his maintenance (or more overnights). Court would investigate and see if this was appropriate for his son.

slipperywhensparticus · 16/02/2020 13:55

Cms and if your child has health issues and he is unlikely to take him overnight when he is Ill point out you will recalculate every dropped night

I might be harsh I'm screamingly pissed off at my ex husband today

Ronia · 16/02/2020 13:55

Do you have shared care formalised? I'm assuming not. If so, then if DS was unwell on 'his days' it would be his responsibility to pick him up and look after him. If he doesn't have shared care during the week, I think you're stuck.

Crafty11 · 16/02/2020 18:01

No care isn't formalised. We just agreed it between us. I just feel like I'm nice and civil to him and he just walks all over me. I'm just sick of it

OP posts:
LetItGoHome · 16/02/2020 22:34

I think you have your answer - CMS 👍

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