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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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4 replies

Scarymary000 · 16/02/2020 12:12

Hi I’m 36 my partner is 40 we are both divorced he has a son age 15 who he coparents with 4 days a week I have a 9 year old. We have been together coming up 3 years he tells me he loves me wishes we met 20 year ago and is besotted with me but actions speak louder than words.
He works shifts so we see each twice a week if we are lucky as he has his son and I have mine to care for and we love 45 mins away from each other.
We never do anything together as a family just date nights as a couple and holidays as a couple abroad.
My issue is we live completely separate lives I want more commitment I feel so lonely in this relationship but love him so much should I end it and move on?
Please help x

OP posts:
SapatSea · 16/02/2020 12:47

Have you actually told him that you would like more commitment and to have family outings? Would either of you be preaped to move so could see each other more?

12345kbm · 16/02/2020 12:54

OP have you actually sat down with him and had a conversation about your future? You've been together three years.

Scarymary000 · 16/02/2020 13:23

Yes we talked about it actually had a huge argument about it last weekend he does 2 days 6-2 2days 2-10 and 2 days nightshift then has 4 days off which he spends with his son. I only see him when he’s at work after 2-10 or if on last early shift.
He owns his house it’s a 3 bed mine is rented and only a 2 I have childcare through here on my doorstep which is my main support as work full time he couldn’t move here as no spare room for his teenage son and obviously our kids schools etc x

OP posts:
12345kbm · 16/02/2020 22:34

You're just repeating yourself.

Did you talk about the future of the relationship?

Eg:

OP: John, we've been seeing each other for three years now and I'm wondering where you see this going.
John: I'm not sure, where do you see this going?
OP: I was hoping that we'd get married.
John: I'd like that too, do you have any dates in mind?

Do you see what I mean? A discussion about where the relationship is going. Relationships tend to progress in stages: dating/relationship/move in together/marriage - but yours has stalled.

You need to find out where he sees it going and if he doesn't see a future then find someone who does.

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