Contact with other siblings and step siblings if no contact with dad

[nocontactkate]

NC for this so it's not linked to my other posts.
My dc are not having contact with their dad due to abuse and we are waiting to go to court about it.
At dads house there are half siblings and step siblings who the dc miss and would like to see. I have no idea how to facilitate this and there is no one impartial who could get them together without either their dad or his gf present. Has anyone been in a similar situation and if so how did you manage it?

Just to add that grandparents have had no contact either since contact was withdrawn. Their choice, not DC's or mine.

Would you not meet up with the girlfriend with the kids ?

She threatened to stab me, so no. She's as bad as him and has blamed the dc for the abuse.

I don’t think there’s anything you can do as she prob won’t even give permission

Good point. They will all be missing each other but unless the court come up with something then my hands are tied. Dc don't even want email or phone contact with their dad.

I would leave it. There is obviously no way for them to have contact so that’s it really.

How old
Are you children ? Would they write letter and do pics for them even if they can’t give them at the moment but if contact happens in future shows they were thinking of them

Wait until court. Is there a non mol or any other orders in place?

My dc are not having contact with their dad due to abuse

She threatened to stab me, so no. She's as bad as him and has blamed the dc for the abuse.

Do your DC the best favour you will ever do for them in their lives and keep them away from the entire family.

Do you really think violent abusive adults are raising lovely, well rounded children? They aren’t. Those children will be affected by all that shit and will act up because of it. Your Dc don’t need that. Find them some other friends and keep distracting them when they ask about siblings. They’ll thank you in the long run when they see how their siblings are affected as they grow. I don’t know why you’d even want to encourage any relationship there tbh. You need to be smarter and protect your DC.

That's a fair point but they have 2 half siblings that are as much their family as the half brother who they live with. They just see him as they're brother though. Saying half seems odd.
Letters are a good idea but I'm not sure exH and his gf would like it or pass them on.
Dc are 13 and 11.

That's a fair point but they have 2 half siblings that are as much their family as the half brother who they live with.

But the brother they live with isn’t being raised and influenced by two violently abusive people. I wouldn’t encourage any relationship but I wouldn’t hinder any contact from the other siblings as long as it was safe and healthy for your DC. What age are the half siblings? Your DC are old enough to have phones to contact half siblings- are the siblings old enough?

Other siblings are only 3 and 5 so too young for phones.
I'm just going to leave it and see what happens at court.

That’s what I’d do too OP. Your ex and his partner aren’t going to permit contact with neither of them there anyway and you certainly don’t wing your DC being around either of them.

I think you need to teach your children to say to their half sibs taht they love them and miss them but that it isn't going well between Mum and Dad and so maybe they can't see them as much as they like

when they are older, maybe swap numbers so they can app.

Do what you can to gently maintain links while still keeping your children safe.

It's disgusting to throw away the other children of their father on the grounds that they have grotty parents. If you have to withdraw because the children start to act unpleasant, then so be it. But not simply because the parents are grotty.

At that age I would explain why it can’t happen. In a simple way .

Whilst not the siblings fault I would pulll my children from the whole family. It sounds a mess.

It's disgusting to throw away the other children of their father on the grounds that they have grotty parents

No one is throwing any children away, and the parents are slightly more than “simply grotty”. They are abusive and have actually threatened violence against the OP.

the parents are grotty so the OP's children aren't allowed any contact before the OP even knows how they're turning out?

Judge jury and executioner there juan.

And again, they’re a tad More than grotty. They are abusive and have actually threatened OPs life.

I wouldn’t be encouraging relationship with any child whose parent threatened to stab someone regardless of the connection.

This is why so many children are exposed to harm they should have been protected from. Their mothers are guilted into allowing contact because there’s a blood connection. Mothers need to know it’s ok to put their child first to keep them safe. A blood connection never trumps that. Never. Put your DC first OP.

The half-siblings could come to the OP's house, or meet at a neutral handover point and then play before handover back?

Sometimes it really is necessary to go NC, but to dismiss the children's halfsiblings, whom they miss, without even attempting some sort of managed contact is brutal.

To me your post smacks of "shitty parents, shitty kids"

There might be a chance of a middle way between unrestricted access and nothing at all. It's at least worth trying for the sake of the children missing their halfsiblings and steps.

To me your post smacks of "shitty parents, shitty kids"

Not shitty kids, kids with serious issues that OP doesn’t need to expose her kids to. Children being raised by abusive people, people who threaten to stab others, will not grow up unaware and uninfluenced by those behaviours and attitudes. They won’t stay 3 and 5 forever. They will grow into teens. Teens raised by abusive people who threaten to stab others? Yeah- recipe for hell.

It seems a little premature to cut off 3 - 5 yo kids becuase of what they might be as teens. Yes, there's a good chance of problems. But if there are signs of problems, then a careful withdrawal can be managed.

These children are missing their half-sibs and steps, and exposure to a more healthy family might even help the half-sibs. The OP's children and their wellbeing come first but if there's a chance for loving contact between the children, it might benefit everyone.

If it's carefully managed.

We’ll have to agree to disagree.

fair 'nuff. Hope the OP can find a way forward