Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He's 'kind of' making an effort, but it's too far gone for me.

3 replies

Highfi · 16/02/2020 09:57

Relationship with DH has been on the brink of separation for a while. We are together at the moment due to having young DCs, one of which has complex needs and so it's easier that we are here together to help each other.
Last week, we had sex twice and it was great. I don't know why it happened, but it felt good at the time and I enjoyed the long naked cuddle afterwards. I enjoyed him making time for us and coming to bed early and I enjoyed sleeping in his arms.
Ever since, he's been his normal self: grumpy, snappy, obstructive, messy, agitated and loud. I decided to separate the 2 and thought, we had a great time, I'm so glad we had some loving time together, but during day to day life,he's still intolerable and we still need to work towards separation.
Then Valentines Day happened and I was pleasantly surprised by a beautiful boquet, card, dine-in meal and a restaurant booked for next weekend.
I was really happy that he had made such an effort, but he's again been intolerable to live with. I even went to the gym on valentines night for a bit of headspace and positivity.
On second thoughts, I don't really want to go out for a meal with him either as he will eat his food in silence or just want to complain about other people. I don't actually enjoy his company anymore. I really, really wish I did. I really want to make it work, but I find him miserable and negative to be around that I can't bare it.
I would help him work through his emotions better but he's so stubborn and reactive, failing to ever acknowledge a problem but always suffering from it with his mood and his body language. I just don't want to be around him.
Would it be mean to tell him it's over and to stop trying? Or let him try? I just don't want to hurt him.

OP posts:
MelbaToast · 16/02/2020 10:03

Personally, I think you need to be honest. If it's not working then finish it.

category12 · 16/02/2020 10:11

He's not too worried about hurting you. What's to be gained by dragging it out?

PicsInRed · 16/02/2020 10:14

Would it be mean to tell him it's over and to stop trying? Or let him try? I just don't want to hurt him.

He seems happy enough to spend the majority of his time hurting you. Except when he wants some, then he turns up the charm. Dont worry about his feelings, he's not remotely worried about yours.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page