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Original poster

Should I apologise to this guy ?

30 replies

Username109876 · 16/02/2020 06:26

A few months ago a close friend got married, and one of the guests was good friends of the groom.
He made a beeline for a close friend of mine, but she was seeing someone else. Him and I didn't talk or get acquainted for the entire night.

Anyway about a week later, I messaged him. We exchanged a few messages for about a week and then I realised I was not very interested nor was I anywhere near over my ex.
I felt the guy wasn't for me, he told me that he goes out drinking all the time which I don't do at all, and then he was making comments like, 'You seem really geeky' to me.
I just didn't reply to the last message and that was that.

I felt guilty about it but figured he probably would have spoken to me at the wedding/messaged first if he really had been interested, plus me apologising for something he's probably not even arsed about.

However recently i've been wondering if i should. Yesterday I saw my newlywed friend and her husband. I couldn't put my finger on it but the husband seemed off with me, and when my friend went to the toilet he literally didn't say a word to me.
All I can think of is because of his friend. Makes me rethink that I should apologise, what do others think ?

OP posts:
OliviaBenson · 16/02/2020 06:29

Eh, apologise for what exactly? I can't see you did anything??

Did you ask your friends H what the problem was?

Original poster
Username109876 · 16/02/2020 06:34

I mean apologise because I just stopped replying, I didn't ask him as I didn't want to make some sort of scene, but he really did seem off.

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 16/02/2020 06:37

Even supposing that your friend's husband does have a problem with you for some reason connected to this bloke, what would apologising achieve? Because I can guarantee that the bloke will either a) fail to pass on that information, or b) see your apology as an admission of you being a shitty person, and continue his bizarre little manbitch session.

Ignore it all and continue to enjoy your friendship with the wife- you don't need to be all matey with her husband anyway.

Veterinari · 16/02/2020 06:40

Why are you chasing contact with a guy who's not interested in you and who you have nothing in common with?
No there's nothing to apologise for

Original poster
Username109876 · 16/02/2020 06:42

It wasn't the best thing for me to do but I didn't really know what to do. We didn't meet up or anything and I thought saying, "Sorry i'm not interested" was giving myself too much importance and potentially hurting his feelings.
I do feel bad still.
But it was months ago now and it's just surprising to see this from her partner.

OP posts:
Original poster
Username109876 · 16/02/2020 06:43

True, he probably wasn't that interested anyway.

OP posts:
oldfashionedtastingtea · 16/02/2020 06:52

Why did you message him after a week? You didn't know him so I don't understand how this went.

definitelynottwelvenow · 16/02/2020 08:04

You have nothing to apologise for, he doesn't sound like he was interested. You did the running then stopped when you realised you were getting nowhere. All fair enough. Please don't apologise,it would look really odd.
Regarding friend's dh, either you're projecting and he was just tired/grumpy etc or he feels awkward because he doesn't want to get involved. Either way, just leave it now.

Kirkman · 16/02/2020 08:14

I am trying to think how I would feel if OP was one of dps friends.

I think I would be a bit off or at least wary.

The situation would be that a good friend of mine attended a wedding and didnt even speak to dps mate. Yet dps mate randomly made contact with my friend, clearly interested in them. When my friend showed no interest in them. Then with no explanation just ghosted my friend?

Honestly, I wouldn't be impressed. Though I would probably explain exactly why I though it was an odd/shitty thing to do.

If the husband does have an issue, I dont know why he didnt just day. Unless his wife asked him not to.

But it would make me a but 'wtf?' About the person that did this.

That said, I wouldnt apologise and tell him you srent interested. That would be weirder. Especially when he has shown no interest in you. It's likely he though he should be nice to you as his good friend is married to your good friend.

PicsInRed · 16/02/2020 08:31

Ask your friend. If it's the "ghosting", just tell her that he kept calling you a geek so you stopped responding. Which is exactly what happened and exactly what should have happened. Neggers deserve to be ghosted 🤷‍♀️.

category12 · 16/02/2020 08:42

You'd be better asking your friend why her dh seemed off with you. The reason you've come up with seems convoluted.

Anyway, does it matter if he couldn't think of anything to say to you? Did you previously have a good friendship with him? Did you try to make conversation? Was it just the three of you?

ThanosSavedMe · 16/02/2020 08:45

You are way overthinking this. Do you always apologise for everything?

Original poster
Username109876 · 16/02/2020 08:46

I still feel bad about it tbh.
Yeah when my friend disappeared, I was trying to make conversation. I was getting one-word answers back and then hed go back to silent, it was just awkward.
Maybe he was just tired, she has said he can be moody sometimes.
I think the guy was just being polite. It probably looked a bit desperate on my part given as though he was falling over himself to talk to/dance with my other friend at the wedding.

OP posts:
Original poster
Username109876 · 16/02/2020 08:47

Maybe i am overthinking ! But one PP has told me it's a shitty thing to do now 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
BigFatLiar · 16/02/2020 08:49

Perhaps your friends husband didn't have much to say. He may have been awkward making smalltalk with you if he doesn't know you that well.

Bluntness100 · 16/02/2020 08:50

If the husband has an issue with uou it's not down to this.

Why were you messaging a guy who was not interested in you and made it clear he fancied your friend?

category12 · 16/02/2020 08:50

Maybe he was tired, maybe he didn't want to be out with her and you, maybe he was cross about something at work, maybe he had bad news, maybe the way you speak annoys him, maybe he'd had a row with her, maybe his butt plug was uncomfortable, who knows?

Original poster
Username109876 · 16/02/2020 08:52

I've known him for 5 years, but looking back he's been like this before even the friend incident. She often complains to us of him being moody etc.
I don't know why I did message him and it's part of the reason why I stopped.
I'll just try to forget it.

OP posts:
category12 · 16/02/2020 08:55

You'd look desperate getting in contact again to apologise for "ghosting" a guy who clearly was more into your mate and you'd chased.

Original poster
Username109876 · 16/02/2020 08:56

Yeah that's true.. Don't know why I did message him looking back, he was probably just being polite.

OP posts:
MzHz · 16/02/2020 09:04

Sounds like your friend had picked a dud for a husband

You’re picking up stroppy git and have done nothing wrong so it’s nothing you’ve done.

You weren’t rude, you just let it fade into dots.

I think your friends marriage is a potential slow moving car crash.

LittleCandle · 16/02/2020 09:08

My closest friend's first husband rarely spoke to me and if I called to talk to her, she was always at work. Turned out that he didn't like her having friends and for some reason me especially. So it could just be that your friend's DH either just doesn't like you (and we can't all like everyone) or is jealous of your friendship. I wouldn't bother to apologise to the guy you were texting. He sounds like a real catch - not!

Sagradafamiliar · 16/02/2020 09:16

Neither one of you was interested in the other. One of you needed to stop replying in the awkward exchange and it was you. That is it. No ghosting involved as you weren't seeing each other or in a relationship.
The conversation came to a close.

Sunflower20 · 16/02/2020 09:21

You're really overthinking this. The husband's reaction had absolutely nothing to do with it. No need to apologise.

Musti · 16/02/2020 09:22

What?? This is a non event and a massive leap. Why would a newly married man care about a friend of his wife's messaging someone who isn't interested in her a week after his wedding.