Alcohol and partner

[fedup212]

Hi Everyone . Just wondering if your other half changes after alcohol ? And not for the best . If developed really bad anxiety through it . It's made I have totally gone off certain types of drink . I used to love vodka if we had a drink . Also when I went out Vodka Diet Coke . I haven't touched it in about 4 years . Even thinking of it scared me . 1st I thought it was the vodka giving me Panic attacks for a few days after drinking it . But Infant because it was the only thing I drank when we went out . And he would play up every single time and make me really sad even going in to the next week I would still feel down because when he played up he would get so nasty . Few pushes and grabs has got it in him to be physically abused to me when under the influence but it's not for that far in the 10 years we have been together. As soon as he had more than two cans I can tell how much he changes . He's really nice at the start but the more he drinks he gets rather cocky then rude and then just horrid . I also don't go out anymore . It's totally put me off ever going out drinking with him we haven't been out drinking together in about 4 years . He has called me boring for ages until the other day he said not again so I told him the reason . He did that it won't happen again . Him being older and we are a lot better than before so things would be different. So we go out tonight for a meal . I was really nervous about it earlier and was tempted to cancel but got over it . Anyways I'm two hours he must of had 8 pints . Half hour before we left I could tell her was getting argumentative. I changed the subject and he was back fine . Lovely on the way home in taxi . Ten mins after being home he started being horrible to me just like before . Getting angry when I asked a question talking to me like shit raising his voice . So I went to brush my teeth and I said to him why has tonight ended like this . He replied because of me . As in me . So I replied see this is the reason why I can't go out anymore . And came to bed . 1st time I seen him look sad . He's sleeping on the sofa now and I'm in bed feeling so fed up x

Excuse my spelling I have a new phone and hate it lol . What I ment to say is he makes me anxious not the vodka . But I still can't touch it because even before I do I get anxiety . . Before I honestly used to think it was all my fault because I would be drunk too and think I must of said or some something to wind him up but because I can't have more than two drinks these days I'm sober when he ain't and I can see how angry he gets over nothing

My ex was like this. I left him

It’s not acceptable someone is aggressive after drink

OP your post isn't making much sense to me.

It seems he's aggressive when he drinks and that he drinks too much. He gets argumentative and physical.

You've told him that you don't like his drinking and he's refused to stop.

Is there any behaviour when he's not drunk that is abusive such as emotional abuse? Does he call you names, tell you what you can or can't do, what to wear, undermine you...?

Some abusers plan abuse for times they're drinking and then claim they can't remember. The drink is an excuse to abuse.

If I became physically abusive towards my partner when I drank, I would stop drinking or I would get help in order to stop drinking. Especially if they had developed an anxiety issue because of it.

If he's not willing to do that then what do you want to do?

Sounds awful, if he's fine when he's not had a drink then he may be worth staying with but just accepting that you can never have a drink with him

Hi everyone . Really sorry about my lost not making much sense ha ha . He's emotionally abusive on times with out having a drink . Things have been good lately . But I had a feeling it wouldn't last long because of our meal last night . I just went down stairs to see if he wanted to go out for a drive and he's flipped out again . So I'm off out on my own for a few hours . I think I'm done with him to be honest . Xxxxx

Good for you, there's better out there and being on your own can be great too.

fedup212

What do you get out of this relationship now?.

The relationship is over both due to his abuses of you along with his problems pertaining to alcohol. His primary relationship is with drink and his thoughts centre on where the next drink is going to come from. Abusers too are not nasty all the time but their "nice"/nasty cycle is a continuous one. He will revert to type soon enough and if you were to look closely as well, you may well find that the "good times" were all on his terms.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?.
Are you a codependent person in relationships?.

You have been in a relationship with an abusive drunkard of a person for a number of years; why is that?. How did this happen to you and how can you prevent yourself from being with such a type again. I would also consider counselling as well as attending Al-anon meetings.

I didn't have a great time growing up . Lot of violence with my mother . Many men in and out . My mother had a bad relationship with alcohol and was physically abusive towards me . I then met a man for ten years who again was emotionally and sometimes physically abusive . But I don't know what's happened this time . I was never work down before . I was still strong minded but since being with my partner it's been different. He's managed to wear me right down that I always thought I was lucky to have him . Iv finally got better now that I'm
Not too scared to be on my own . Mad tho as much as he hates me and as much as I'm a horrible person who causes all this he still stays . Strange x