Confused

[Inexperiencedchick]

Dating someone, long enough...
yesterday was hoping to get a text for Valentine’s Day, didn’t get one. Texted and wished him myself. He replied within a minute. Said he is preoccupied with work and a bit down. Around 4 pm I have texted him saying if we should meet up in the evening... I was hoping he would arrange and invite, but once I haven’t been asked to meet up, offered myself. He said he is going for drinks with work colleagues.
It did upset me. I felt I’m not a priority, and Valentine’s Day is not an excuse.
We don’t celebrate it as such, but thought we will meet up.
Once he said he is going out for drinks I went silent.
Got texts from him asking what time I finish work and that he finished early with pub. Those texts were sent after half an hour - an hour of me finishing work.
Messages didn’t get through mobile, but on Mac later in the evening. He texted when I was halfway on my journey home, saying he will be waiting at the station close to my work area. He works in the city, I work central. I don’t understand why his work mates decided to travel to Center of London for a drink. Or he had an arranged date with someone else, hence cancelling on me?
Recently he was saying he would like to take me to Lake District to spend some time together. And then this.
I was in tears last night...
Haven’t spoken to him since.
Any thoughts much appreciated.

I would ask him why he didn’t wish you a happy valentines?

Do you have a reason not to trust him? Are you boyfriend and girlfriend or just casual?

Cancelling on you? It doesn’t sound as though he cancelled? Or did I miss something? Did you have a date? It sounds as though he didn’t think about Valentines (like me he may feel it’s a load of commercial bunkum) but later twigged it might be important to you and reached out but your messenger didn’t work until you got home and now he may be feeling you ghosted him? Or have I misunderstood?

We were on and off for quite a while now. All was fine recently and him saying he will put more effort in to “us”
I thought we were BF/GF, not sure now.
Was quite upset yesterday. Today I blocked his number to feel better abt myself, but I know I will unblock him.
Don’t want to ask “why” as it came across as he didn’t care much.
Last Sunday he went out of his way and picked me up while driving on a different route. I don’t understand.
That fact he texted me after work is making me doubt...
I had my trust broken with him, hence questioning every possibility.
It’s such an empty excuse going for drinks with work mates...

Could he be emotionally unavailable? Keeping you emotionally at arm's length?

Had my hopes built up and hoped at least for a text in the morning, as in early days.
I haven’t ghosted him. I went home straight after work, in tears.
To be honest I wanted to take him out for a dinner to show appreciation for things he does for me. But when he said “he is going for drinks” I felt all my expectations ruined. Not his problem I know. I was genuinely looking forward to meet him and ended up getting a push back a bit... At least this is how I feel.

PicsInRed yes, that could be very easily done. He has done it in the past.
I’m confused.

We were on and off for quite a while now. All was fine recently and him saying he will put more effort in to “us”

I thought we were BF/GF, not sure now.

I would try and find out what page he's on. All this on again, off again business has obviously confused things. You say that "WE don't really celebrate Valentines" and yet you clearly want to acknowledge it, perhaps more so because of the uncertainty of the relationship.

I had my trust broken with him, hence questioning every possibility.

Not meeting up for Valentines day is not the end of the world, as he did try to fit you in later on once he knew it was important to you, but I think the confusion over Valentines is actually part of a bigger picture of insecurity about what this relationship actually is and whether he can be trusted.

I didn't get to spend Valentines evening with my DP, but because I'm secure in our relationship and don't suspect that he may have been with anyone else, I wasn't too bothered about it. We will celebrate tomorrow instead. The fact that you aren't sure whether he was really with friends and you are blocking/unblocking him etc shows a bigger issue here.

He's hard work and it's not making you happy, even at this early stage. . I'd seriously doubt whether he's the one for you.

RUSU92 thanks for the insights.

I just wanted to be acknowledged and to have a bit of romance that day.

Wherever there's confusion there's a toxic person in the mix.

The on-off thing and not knowing where you stand. The to-ing and fro-ing about meeting.

You feel you're not a priority because you are not.

Unless you want to feel like this for a lot longer, I'd get out now. This will only get worse, not better. This is who he is in a relationship with you.

OP you asked him if he wanted to do something last minute. He already had plans then tried to arrange something with you and you ignored him and now blocked him temporarily. The whole things sounds messed up, with neither of you being clear on what you want it what's going on.

I appreciate everything said here.

I hoped that something will come from him. When I realised it’s not happening I have asked “Shall we meet up tonight?”
He just said he is going for drinks with work mates.
I’m not blaming him for trying to fit me in.
Just upset there was no acknowledgement.
Last year he did wish me in the morning with the text. But not this year. And perhaps I have mentally prepared myself for not receiving a message from him.
I think I messed up, perhaps for the fact that last year he said “he won’t wish happy women’s day” as he doesn’t celebrate it. When we first met I mentioned that that day is important for me, come from area where we celebrate it. Initially he said he will remember. But then was that sentence. It hurt me that time, and perhaps years later I prepared myself for being hurt again even if he didn’t mean to hurt.

To be honest it’s a built up hurt for so many things. I tried to get out early January he perhaps doesn’t realise it but guiltripped me saying “don’t say anyone you love them if you don’t want to be with that person.”
I had a panic attack and was shaking at work. From that moment on I haven’t told him how I feel abt him.

I think 4:00pm on Valentines days itself was a little late to be asking if he wanted to meet up so I'm not surprised that he already had plans, especially as you say that you don't celebrate Valentines. I can understand you possibly being a bit miffed but I think that going home in tears is a bit OTT. Arrange something earlier next time!

I don't get why you are upset over International Women's day either, do people really celebrate that? Surely it would be women anyway, I wouldn't expect a man to.

Any finally, having a panic attack and shaking because someone said that you shouldn't tell someone you love them if you don't want to be with them? A complete over-reaction imo. What he said was true, you shouldn't say you love someone who you don't want to be with. I don't think he was trying to guilt trip you into anything.

I think you are better off apart to be honest as I don't think he will ever be the type of man that you want him to be.

I dont really understand the guilt tripping comment. Did you tell him you loved him but didnt want ti be with him? That is a head fuck, tbh.

But, OP, this relationship doesnt make yiu happy. Its hard to tell whose fault it is. More likely, its shared.

Maybe it's a case of too much water under the bridge. Whatever is going on, it's not making you happy. You should end it.