Is a controlling person ever conscious of the fact they’re controlling?

[Number21]

Just that really, someone who is controlling are they aware of the fact and how they’re wrong for being this way?

My ex was/is extremely controlling and emotionally abusive, but he thinks he is right and justified in his behaviour. Even to the point being this way in front of police officers. I really do wonder if he even knows what he is doing isn’t right or if he genuinely believes he is in the right.

Some do some don't I think.

The more they get away with it the more they believe they are RIGHT.

If they wee brought up to believe they were always right then why should they think any different. If they weren't brought up that way but have a personality that thinks that way then they will also believe they are right, despite evidence to the contrary.

There will be others though who actually know that it's controlling but it pleases them to be that way and so long as they get away with it have no reason to change.

I think there is at least an element of confirmation bias. The more they get away with it the more they will believe they are right.

No.

if they were conscious then they'd stop it.

No. They do not know. Or can be made aware.

I'm so sorry

I think often controlling people actually feel like everyone and everything is OUT of control, which is why they grip so tightly. Must be a horrible way to live, full of fear and anxiety that never gets better.

Yes, I would say in most cases they are perfectly aware. Even if they don't use the term 'controlling' I am certain they are aware of needing to be in charge and calling the shots.
@noego, that's a kind hearted way of looking at things but, as I have learned, it can be a mistake to assume that everyone is coming from the same mindset. Some people know they are assholes but they just don't care and have no intention of stopping a way of being that serves them so well.

@Number21, your ex probably does genuinely believe he is in the right, like mine. In mine's case, not helped in the least by the fact that he was brought up being treated like the sun shone out of his ass.

Yes.

@LondonCrone, I agree with you. My stbxh seemed to really ramp up his controlling behaviour in situations where he had less control e.g in unfamiliar surroundings like on holiday.

I think London has nailed it.

Well I tend to be controlling.
Hopefully not in an abusive way but I can feel a bit panicky and anxious if I’m not in control . However, I do sometimes recognise I’m being unnecessarily controlling (choosing a restaurant or similar) and manage to stop. To be honest though I just manage to pretend I’m ok with taking a back seat than genuinely be ok with it.

Mine was so controlling that he considered me controlling...for resisting his controlling.

😂

I think with some men, it makes them feel big and important and masculine to control the little woman. They know they're controlling but they like it that way, and perhaps they even start to believe that their partner likes it, or it's in their partner's best interests to be controlled.

My brother in law is quite controlling of his wife. He's unimportant, uneducated and foolish, and it makes him feel big and clever, especially when he's doing it in front of other people. Then the other people can all SEE how big and clever and important he is. He is so successful that he can afford to keep his little woman at home, washing the dishes, and he is so manly that he can tell her what to eat and drink and do.

@PicsInRed - Mine was so controlling that he considered me controlling...for resisting his controlling - we've clearly been married to the same wanker man!

I think a lot of them know what they're doing, they just justify it to themselves.

@DishingOutDone I think I was with the same guy too

Yes.

Yes, they do know what they are doing. And as well as being controlling, the are manipulative prize-winning liars, and are highly skilled at evading any culpability.