Around six months ago I started to talk to someone on Grindr. Since then, we have met a number of times and for past two months, we have been meeting each other every single weekend. Before that, we were talking to each other basically every day.
I am at a point where I want to go further with him and I have even gone so far as to say I love him. However, the problem is that it is obvious that he does not feel the same way, even though he calls me his best friend, someone he has ‘deep feelings’ for and someone he loves to spend time with.
One the problems he raised at the start is that distance between us might be an issue (as we study in different cities), but to make it work I have literally emptied my savings account so that we can spend time with each other and he knows I would do absolutely anything to see him.
He also stressed that he is scared to commit to a relationship because he is worried what might happen to our friendship if we break up. However, I don’t see how it would change anything because would a friendship even be realistically possible if he doesn’t see me in the same way I see him?
When I ask if he loves me, he has said that he cares for me so much, but that he doesn’t love me at the moment and he thinks he needs to wait and see. I don’t know how to process that, because we have been seeing each other a while now and when I asked if he loved his ex (his only ever boyfriend) after the same amount of time he said he did.
Also, when I asked if he would rather I treat him as a boyfriend or as a friend, he said as a boyfriend, but I don’t know why he wants me to treat him as a boyfriend, but not want to be my boyfriend. I hate to even imply this, but I suspect the reason he prefers the former is because I spend so much time and money on him, which makes me question whether he likes the attention more than the affection.
I just don’t know what to do. I love him and I want to be in a relationship with him, but he does not reciprocate my feelings for him. He has stressed that things might change over time and said that his feelings for me get stronger on each occasion we meet, but if he can’t say he loves me or wants to be in a relationship with me after three months meeting and five months talking to each other non-stop, is it realistic to expect things might be different in the future?
I don’t know what to do anymore. I want to keep trying with him because he is one of the best people I have ever met, but if he doesn’t see me in the same way should I just get over him? Equally, is it naïve to think that you can be friends with someone you once loved, especially when you have both moved on and are in a relationship with different people?
Obviously, this is only my side of the story and no doubt he would have a lot to say to this. He is a wonderful person and he has helped me so much since I have got to know him, but as I said I don’t know where to go from here and I would really appreciate some honest, brutal advice.
Thank you so much for your time!