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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Have I been to harsh/over reacted?

17 replies

JellyTottyP · 15/02/2020 13:45

Yesterday ended in disaster for me! I went from enjoying a meal out with my OH to being in hospital with suspected pancreas infection.

This morning I find myself single and facing the future alone. The reason being is I asked him to leave.

During the meal there was a disagreement over something minor but he tends to be very needy and take things ever so personally. I wanted to caption a photo of us for social media in a humourous way instead of declaring my undying love for him on SM.

When we arrived home I was very upset that he'd tried to get involved in my business and sulk about what I wanted to do on my SM.

I ended up with chest pains and an ambulance came via 111 who took me in with abnormal heart result. He was great picking up my LO from nursery and meeting my dad with her but then when he came to the hospital the disagreements continued.

He's basically going on about how I don't put enough effort in to make him feel loved. I got him some nice cards, nice present. We went out for a meal and had booked the day off together. I'm not OTT with affection and he knows he's a needy person and too much at times. I'm in hospital worried and he's giving me a hard time.

This carried on this morning and eventually I said I've had enough. I'm starting to feel bad that he was thoughtful with gifts yesterday and helped me out in an emergency but does not mean he can treat me this way and try to control me?

Just ranting and not sure what to do.

OP posts:
dancemom · 15/02/2020 13:51

He argued with you while you were in hospital that you don't give him enough attention or make him feel loved??

Talk about selfish!

Interestedwoman · 15/02/2020 13:59

Imagine - going on like that while you were in hospital! And you'd actually done loads for the day.

Well done for ditching him. Feel better soon. xxxxx

category12 · 15/02/2020 14:03

Crikey, stop doubting yourself. Dumping him is an excellent choice.

YakkityYakYakYak · 15/02/2020 14:06

I think you did the right thing in dumping him; relationships should be fun and supportive, not stressful. Move on with your life and find someone lower maintenance.

Ohyesiam · 15/02/2020 14:09

He takes needy to another level, he sounds like a vampire. Will he not be happy till he gets your blood?

Who on earth gives someone grief while they lie in a hospital bed,That’s really shocking.
Either it’s a control tactic or he has some big self esteem problems. Either way op you have done the right thing.

JellyTottyP · 15/02/2020 15:37

I'm glad I haven't over reacted. It's not like I was on my death bed but I felt pretty rough. He just goes on and on about how I don't show him. I guess to some people it's a big deal and to others it's not. I show my care and love in other ways. He has form for controlling behaviour and he has tried hard to be perfect in terms of that but I think this is another one of those times where that side of him has shown it's self. No amount of presents or gestures can change that.

I just find it really hard to let go even when I know it's the right thing

OP posts:
TrixieTheWhore · 15/02/2020 15:56

I absolutely cannot deal with needy people.

OhLook · 15/02/2020 15:59

What the argument was about didn't really matter, the fact that he went on about it still while you were in a hospital bed does!

JellyTottyP · 15/02/2020 16:23

I guess I just need a hand hold to try and stop me taking him back and trying to work things out for the millionth time.

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Cherrysoup · 15/02/2020 16:33

As an outside observer, I”m reading this in sheer disbelief. He continued to hassle you whilst you’re lying in hospital sick?! Can you imagine ever having dc with him, he’d be crying in a corner cos you’re too busy giving birth to pay attention to his needs! He’s not a child, definitely a man child, tho!

You say the millionth time, so you’ve given him endless chances. You’ve trained him to think he doesn’t need to take you seriously when you say you’ve had enough and he disregards you’re feelings, absolute classic abusive behaviour. Has he ever been violent with you? Are you going to meekly let him back in? Again?!

JellyTottyP · 15/02/2020 16:53

Yes many chances unfortunately. I guess I have boundaries issues and try to see the best in people. I do believe stress from him has contributed to my health problems. I've been unwell since new year and body is struggling to recover from any illness, cold, cough etc. I know it's the best thing to do. I think he's become more of a bad habit

OP posts:
user1479305498 · 15/02/2020 17:01

This bloke has a real neediness issue, I find it immensely unattractive in people to be honest, men or women, maybe if you are both like this it’s fine , but if you aren’t then it’s very wearing.

JellyTottyP · 15/02/2020 21:13

He thinks neither of us will find "this" again.

I know it needs to be done but I'm utterly broken. Maybe it's my fault. Maybe I didn't realise what I had.

OP posts:
category12 · 15/02/2020 21:37

He thinks neither of us will find "this" again.

Well thank christ for that. It shouldn't be like this - it shouldn't be a constant struggle and a million chances.

JellyTottyP · 15/02/2020 21:46

@category12 yes I do agree it shouldn't be this much effort.
It's absolutely tearing me apart and the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. The mind games have got me

OP posts:
category12 · 15/02/2020 21:53

It will be hard for a while - but go no contact and ride out the pain. It's short-term.

Keeping on with him will be misery long-term. Do the the hard thing now., Future You will thank you.

JellyTottyP · 15/02/2020 22:05

@category12 Thanks

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