Single mum of 3 boys - bit of a workaholic. Hate internet dating, will I ever meet someone again??

[Butterboo5]

Hi All,

I separated from husband over two years ago and almost through the final stages of divorce (we settled in court at FDR hearing) in January. Very very happy about that! :-D

Husband was a sex addict and led a secret life, we were married for 10 years. Last two years have been total, utter, absolute hell (I actually can’t think of a word to describe it sufficiently), due to continuous discovery of the many many different traumatic things he did. It was literally discovering one thing after another for months and months. I think I should write a book about it one day!

Anyway we have moved on greatly from all that now, and could not be happier that for me and the boys we no longer live in a house where secrets, lies, deception, domestic abuse, affairs were the norm and yes for many years I just couldn’t see what was happening right under my nose. However the lightbulb switched on eventually and I threw him out the house.

I love being a mum and spending my free time with the boys (they are my life). I also love my career. I would like to start a new relationship at some point but I can’t see myself being able to meet someone ever.. I tried internet dating a few times but just found it awful and I waste of time honestly. I also think most men get put off when you mention having three kids, even though I am an incredibly independent, financially secure women. I fear men assume single mothers are looking for replacement fathers.

Can anyone give me any advice and should I even be considering this right now after everything me and the boys have been through?

Thanks so much for any help! Xxx

Perhaps if you are asking the answer is no. OLD is pretty crap at times. Some have the patience to deal with it others less so.

I think you need time to heal and enjoy your life being single. If you are happy within yourself you’ll find old easier and make better decisions.

As for the children, sometimes it’s just down to practicality- 2 adults with 6 kids between them will never be an easy option!

Otterhound - thanks for your response. I guess you right that if I am asking then yeah it is still too soon and if I am honest with myself it is.

But I still have hopes for the future and think if I met someone it would have to start off as a friendship. I am happy being single and don't want waste my time on any knob head who is not up to scratch! They all seem to come across as knob heads on online dating. I really would prefer to meet someone in the traditional sense but with work and kids I don't have a social life. When I don't have the kids with me I am usually too tired to do anything else except housework or watch Netflix... how sad is that!

It would be good hear from anyone who was in a similar situation and has met the "right one".

I did old for about 9 months. I didn't meet anyone. A good friend said to me The type of woman you want to meet is unlikely to put herself through the ignominy of old in order to find a man /have sex.

She was right - I met my current partner in real life and she had never done old - for those reasons.

Luckily for me I could at least meet people in real life

I just wanted to say you are anything but 'sad'. It doesn't matter what other people think of your life situation. From what you write, you have shown yourself to be an independent, strong woman who is a great role model for your kids. Having no social life is not a crime when you have bigger priorities like your kids, your career and 'me' time to think about. I think OLD is bursting with undateables, and the occasional gem. It is a needle in a haystack and perhaps not worth your energy if you are time-limited. No advice on how to attract a man elsewhere...with my track record I would be a hypocrite to give advice on that subject! However, when you see how many people are stuck in miserable relationships on here, it makes being single feel really liberating. Best of luck to you.

Honestly? Things like Tinder are not going to work for you as you (as rightly), you value your time to highly to wade through the dross.

I would stand back, wait for the dust to settle and enjoy what you have with your boys. Right now, you are a mother first and foremost, but as your children get older, their needs will lift and change, giving you more chances to develop your own interests.

FWIW, two of my friends met their married partners through matchmaking sites, so it can work but you need to use a reputable one that requires an upfront fee: the money drives away a lot of the casual creeps.

As PP said - nothing sad whatsoever about not having a partner - I’d love the word ‘single’ to be banned on this context. Its almost like a badge of shame

My teenage children Dont refer to themselves as single - so why should adults!

Be happy and happiness will find you!