Husband’s messages

[WhiteVixen]

Yes yes I know, I snooped, I’m terrible.

However.

If your husband is arranging a night out with a friend of his in a week or two and says ‘if there’s hooch and cooch I’m there’, that’s not good is it?

He also referred to me as a dumbass in another message, as I managed to break my foot doing nothing at the beginning of December.

Plus him and this friend were talking about a mutual female friend’s birthday drinks coming up, and that it was her 40th, and my husband was saying he was going to wind her up about how everything starts to sag after 40, and something to do with he vagina being like a crater because she’s had two kids. As I am nearly 40 and am not feeling great about my body having recently had our second child, you can imagine I’m not really impressed.

All of these messages were to the same person, so I’m not sure if my husband is just ‘acting out’ to mirror the way this other person speaks.

We have been married nine years, barely an argument between us. He is a great, hands on father, has never treated me with anything other than love and respect (to my face at least ). Now I don’t know what to do.

Tell him what you.have read then watch him squirm lol He is probably mirroring how the other person speaks.

At the very least he sounds like an utter chauvinistic pig. Ugh.

It's a shock to read and pretty shit but I think people need a bit of privacy. Sounds like dumb male bravado to me, unless you have any reason to suspect worse.
It's akin to reading a diary, not a great idea.

No I don’t have any reason to think he’s up to anything. He goes to work and comes home, goes the gym/running, and only goes out drinking with this particular person once every couple of months or so.

I’m going to put it down to bravado for the time being.

Sounds to me like he's just doing that lad chat' his friend is obviously a knob and he feels that's how he's got to act around him. If there is no problems in your relationship and all is well I wouldn't let it get to you too much... I understand it though when your feeling shitty about yourself and things are read it can make you feel even shitter. So!!! Start to change you, find your confidence again, work on the parts of your body your not happy with go and get yourself a few tops and do yourself up a bit. You'll be ok , men can be insensitive pricks at times but you are obviously happy together , just work on your confidence. X

It’s up to you to decide what you do with the information but it is of course relevant how you came by it. For what it is worth, if you challenged me in those circumstances, I would tell you it was none of your business and refuse to discuss it with you. I would not budge on the point.

After nine years and children you either know enough about him or not to decide if it’s in character or not. Why the snooping and questioning of his character? If you have a problem talk to him.

I remember my partner was on the phone to a friend and said something like ‘that’s what you call a banker’ or something ridiculous about a girl who’d be up for sex.

He was just trying to act cool and thinking that’s what he should say. I did say to him about it and he squirmed.

It’s a rubbish thing to read but it’s likely a case of thinking it’s funny with friends/he doesn’t mean it (hopefully).

I’d definitely bring it up - as I can’t hold my own water. But instead of being angry (you were snooping) I’d maybe take a different approach.

You’re in the wrong here. It’s like eavesdropping. You had no reason to look, and now you are handwringing over some tasteless banter.

Consider every. Single. Conversation you’ve ever had. Never made a smutty joke? Never slagged you’re husband down? Ever?

Get a grip.

Ignore the apologists OP it's shitty and it would change my opinion of anyone who talks like that.

"Being one of the lads" is an appalling excuse and IMO one of the biggest perpetuators of the misogyny.

It's not ok to talk like that whatever the situation, absolutely have it out with him!!

My DH would never in a million years talk like that, even around some of his friends who do, in fact it makes him uncomfortable because he knows it's wrong and he's not a twat.

It's cowardly a sheep like to hide behind "he was just trying to be one of the lads".

Fuck that shit.