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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Meeting bf’s family

15 replies

Beebeeboo2 · 14/02/2020 23:39

Hi. I’m not sure if I’m being over-sensitive, but I met my bf’s brother for dinner tonight, but before the meeting, bf texted me a list of things not to talk about ie. exh/marriage/divorce/child from previous marriage/past relationships. I was a bit Hmm because I wasn’t planning to talk about these topics anyway, but my child?!
Then afterwards, I texted to ask what his brother thought of me. Bf knew I was nervous & eager to hear his response, but he stung me along with texts for 30min saying I’ll tell you in 5min etc & messing around & then said he’s watching a movie & now refuses to engage. It just feels very controlling.
I’m really irritated, but not sure if I’m just being hormonal.

OP posts:
JKScot4 · 14/02/2020 23:41

Don’t use ‘hormonal’ to excuse anything.
Sounds like he’s lied to his family about you.

Longsight2019 · 14/02/2020 23:47

Screenshot your thread and send it back to him asking why he thinks this sort of bull shit is acceptable or remotely appealing? If he further excuses such unfair behaviour then exit before the mess happens further down the line.

Longsight2019 · 14/02/2020 23:52

When I say thread - I mean your messages.

Original poster
Beebeeboo2 · 15/02/2020 00:03

JKScot4, I don’t think he lied to his family about me, because his brother spontaneously asked about my daughter as she’s the same age as the brother’s son.
It just made me feel really shit, like my divorce etc is a shameful secret. And then the controlling of info afterwards, I don’t understand, but it’s infuriating.

OP posts:
Esspee · 15/02/2020 00:04

I would be ending the relationship in your shoes.

OhWellThatsJustGreat · 15/02/2020 00:07

Hmm that sounds really strange.
Did you get on with his brother?
I'd probably not engage with him any further this evening because he's being a bit of a prat.

Don't put it down to hormones, your feelings are your feelings and they are valid whatever they are.

Original poster
Beebeeboo2 · 15/02/2020 00:10

Brother & I got on really well. He did the same when I met his parents wrt the feedback afterwards.(all good) Felt like I was begging for dog treats.

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 15/02/2020 00:28

He treated you like shit after you met his parents. You let him. He knew he could do it again. Are you going to carry on like that with this arsehole?

Ididit2019 · 15/02/2020 14:04

He's trying to make you insecure and by playing mind games. Also why are you meeting his brother on valentines day? Did you both do anything just the two of you too?

dontgobaconmyheart · 15/02/2020 14:17

He sounds embarrassed of you to be honest OP. As though he thinks it's not very proper you've been married begore/have a child and thinks they will also judge you on it, and by extension him.

He sounds like a twat regardless. Surely you are not ok with him controlling what you are allowed to talk about, or tell the truth about your own very normal life, jesus. Sounds like you're little more than a prop to him and the whole vibe is weird and misogynistic.

Playing mind games over things you're worried about as well? Just no OP. He wants you as his inferior, there are no positive reasons for him doing any of this.

Ellisandra · 15/02/2020 14:24

It’s actually really worrying that you post this wondering if you are being insensitive. His behaviour has been really horrible. If you can’t see that, and really think it could be your fault, then the only relationship you should be in right now, is one with a counsellor Sad

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 15/02/2020 14:28

Don't feed his behaviour. Don't ask what his brother thought, act like you couldn't give a tiny crap. You are not to be reported on like a kid at parents evening. Who cares what his brother thinks of you, what you think of you matters!

Hepsibar · 15/02/2020 14:29

Do you think he said similar things to his family about what they mustnt talk to you about? I guess you'll never know ... unless you all get together without him and have a good old chat!

conduitoffortune · 15/02/2020 14:30

It’s actually really worrying that you post this wondering if you are being insensitive. His behaviour has been really horrible. If you can’t see that, and really think it could be your fault, then the only relationship you should be in right now, is one with a counsellor

THIS!

YakkityYakYakYak · 15/02/2020 14:36

Did he ask you whether you like the brother/parents? Why is it all on you to win their approval?!

His behaviour is rude and incredibly unsupportive, your bf should be making you feel special, not as though you should be ashamed of your past life (especially your dc!).

What is he like with your child, if he has met them? Can’t imagine he’s up for being a great step dad if he doesn’t even want his family to know your DC exists

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