partner buying underwear for valentines day knowing full well I hate my stomach

[ejebusport]

My partner has bought me some lovely gifts today but I feel like absolute shit.

One of the things he got me is an underwear set, I told him I was going to buy something special to wear for valentines night so he thought he would get me something himself and save me the trip out. The good intentions were there so I don't want to sound ungrateful.

I have diasis recti, wrinkly loose skin and stretch marks after having my two children, aged 2 and 9 months. I'm in proportion, size 10-12 depending on where I shop but my stomach is a train wreck.

He isn't put off by my stomach which is great, but it bothers me and he knows this very well. I'm nowhere near ready to embrace it. I hate it being touched or looked at. It is absolutely off bounds.

I was going to buy a nice chemise or something similar that while sexy, covers my midriff, what he has bought is a two piece underwear set, which in itself looks very pretty but I'm absolutely not comfortable wearing it.

I'm sad because he knows me better than to think I would feel comfortable wearing something like this. We had a conversation recently about how I will be choosing something pretty that covers my stomach.

I can make myself look "sexy" without displaying the thing I'm most insecure about. Let me tell you now, it will not be a pretty site. I don't care if he thinks it's sexy, I do not, and it's how I feel that I care about.

What do i do here? Wear it and make him happy whilst making myself miserable?

Tell him I'm not wearing it and make him feel bad?

This is a huge problem for me, being expected to "show off" my biggest insecurity. I feel like crying.

His intentions were good, but he hasn't thought of me at all.

Fucking Valentine's day

Something like that girdle would be perfect, a black one would go just fine with this underwear set.

If I knew he was going to buy underwear I would have bought one myself. We actually agreed yesterday to "no presents" this year though, just a card each and a meal out with a few drinks. I was caught off guard when he came home with gifts as we are supposed to be saving money.

Now I sound even more ungrateful.

The chemise thing I was going to buy only costs ten pounds from Primark God knows how much he has spent on this.

Personally, I'd far rather be intimate with a wobbly, strechmarked, saggy but proud and happy woman than a perfectly smooth, supple, toned but paranoid and self loathing woman anyday.

Wear it and own it. Boost your confidence and give him some fun at the same time.

OP - I think this is the perfect time to as @ZestyMaximus says - wear it and own it!!

Your DP doesn't care about your stomach, and surely that is the most important opinion? Sometimes you really REALLY have to uncomfortably break these boundaries and force yourself to do something in order to get over it. You DP will love you for trying for him. Even if you put it on for a short while, at least you made the effort.

Also, surely he sees your tummy every single day so it's not like a big reveal sort of thing?

Wear it and own it girl - you've got this! x

I think your best bet is to tell him you tried it on and it doesn't fit so you need to exchange it.
Then make sure you exchange it for something that you feel comfortable wearing. Maybe take him with you and only point out/try on the things you can cover up in - or have a corset/Waspie as part of the set to cover you up more.

I'm currently pregnant with my first and my stomach is horrendous - I really dread to think what it will look like after I have the baby in a couple of weeks. I'm absolutely sure I will feel the same way as you feel about yours. I can't imagine ever wanting my partner to touch it or look at it ever again.
It's about how YOU feel exposing your stomach, not whether your partner minds it or not.

Right I'm going to try it on....

Drama llama or what! Your husband obviously thought you’d look great in it, but if your dead against it just tell him the truth and ask him to exchange it for something more modest but prepare to be thought of as ungrateful!

I'm on your side here OP, exactly the same, my stomach isn't just damaged, it's mutilated. And I do not and will not have it on show.
If my DH bought me a two piece set that wasn't high waisted knickers I'd flip, because he KNOWS how I feel, regardless of how he feels. (Because is it MY body or HIS.)
I don't wear two pieces in the bedroom, at all, like you, and he also knows this.
So that gift would have gone right in the bin, after a lecture from me.
It's infantilising to say to the OP she should lover herself. If it was that easy she would be.
Yes he bought a gift, but a shit one. It's like me buying my DH a shaving kit when he has a beard to rival a Viking. And then asking him to shave because I like it. NO. It's his body and his choice.
Chuck the gift and get yourself something decent.

I'm jealous - last time my DH bought me nice underwear was circa 2005!

Right I'm going to try it on....

Yay! But when you look at yourself in the mirror, DO NOT just look at your stomach or focus on any individual body parts. Look at the picture as a whole. You will undoubtedly look sexy. Smile. Wink. Pout. Whatever your go to sexy pose is etc. Your husband will be delighted and you will both have fun.

Enjoy. You got this.

Wowbutter (and others) I'm sorry you can relate and feel the same. It really is utterly shit to feel, as you referenced, mutilated. That is exactly how I feel.

I wouldn't be a drama lama about a few stretch marks, on their own they don't bother me. It's the loose wrinkly and dimpled skin that makes them all the more unsightly, that's before I talk about the diastis recti (sp?) which compounds everything else.

It would take surgery to get my stomach looking anything near normal unfortunately. To look this way at 26 is really quite depressing when the last woman he was with, much older, has a wash board stomach.

I've tried the underwear on, it doesn't look too ghastly. I think a pair of stockings and candle light under the guise of being romantic would help to distract from the stomach, that is my hope anyway

Can you wear what he has bought you and something else on top as well , like a red lacy gown or something that’ll cover and give you confidence ?

I have a red silk kimono type thing so I'll pair of with that, good thinking

Think a few posters are being a bit harsh. Fot this reaction, it seems deeper than the underwear as an isolated incident?
It's hard to feel sexy with little ones and maybe it's a bit too much pressure.

Yes OP, wear it, fake it til you make it if you need to, but have fun! I’m so glad you’re giving it a chance, not for any o her reason than it makes me sad to read you being so bloody negative on yourself.

Aw so glad you tried it and liked it! Hope you have a lovely evening from another member of the stomach ruined by baby club haha

He is telling you he loves your body, stop being so hard on yourself.