How to weed out time wasting OLD and find GOLD?!

[Warmfirechocolate]

Reading some really interesting threads about how depressing OLD can be.. And how time consuming!.

To be blunt, I would like passion and sex! Obviously love would be amazing and friendship wonderful.

However I’m not prepare to be a FWB, not prepared to be OW (my Ex cheated prolifically on OLD), and simply don’t have the TIME to be wasting with cheaters, going nowhere people, and men only looking for hook ups. I’d be happy with short term sexual relationship but it would have to be monogamous, respectful and not a FWB. I’d love a real relationship. I’m late 40s, everything seems geared to younger women and older sleazes.

Have posters got any top tips for saving time on OLD?!

There is a good active thread in relationships with a list of about 13 tips at the start .

It is called Dating Thread 184 .

I saw that but it’s not specifically about cutting down time.

Ignore people with no profiles.
Ignore people who have fishing/gym/football/topless pictures.
Ignore people who use the words princess, knight, sex, FWB.
Talk on the phone within 3 days.
Meet within a week.

Okay I’ll start but I am not a veteran so my advice is very novice!

The dating thread 184 is very good but I was really after tips on how to cut down time - I really do not have time to do much dating or messaging...

MY NOT SO GOOD TIPS:

RED FLAGS

1. Vague profile, short and to the point, shows nothing of the person.
2. No topless man pics, pics with their kids, doing a lot of extreme sports, with attractive women or with flash cars.
3. Any sexual references at all, even subtle ones, or in pictures.
4. Wouldn’t discount no picture, but warning many of these may be cheating. No picture plus charming / casual written anywhere = cheat.
5. No one with the words ‘casual’ ‘not looking for anything serious’ ‘just out of a relationship’ in their profiles.
6. Gives little away when you message. Asks questions about you more than answers them. So seems nice and a good listener. But actually wanting to know you more than giving away themselves is a bad sign.
7. Compliments. Be wary of these. Ex cheater always complimented.
8. Pushing to meet up. I know it is good to meet quickly. However I’d recommend ‘testing’ and just trying to get a bit of chatter with them first. Even one or two evenings of a conversation that feels natural. If they seem uninterested then they are impatient to just get on with it.
9. Anyone who compliments or is fun but when you reflect, it’s very flirty. Avoid flirtatious men. Flirting should come after or on a date.
10. Any man that seems to be too good to be true. Any man that is ‘intense’. Any man who moans about his ex. Any man who is erratic and does not follow up on a date.
11. Any man who pushes for sex. I’d date at least five times before sex or even kissing. It will weed out many cheaters and men who don’t care about you. Even if you are gagging for sex yourself!
12. Men who ask for you to go onto WhatsApp or message outside of OLD before you’ve even met.
13. DEFINITELY men who ask you to go on Kik or Snapchat. These are cheating apps!
14. Men who want more pics or you before meeting.
15. Dick pics obviously. Avoid.

GREEN FLAGS

1. Has attempted to write something in their profile that seems ‘normal’ and even a little ‘naive’. Anyone who puts detail of their interests and jobs in their profile. Shows they are genuinely looking for connection.
2. Smiling picture.
3. Respectful in their interactions.
4. Can have a conversation through the OLD site and it feels like talking to a friend. If it feels like talking to a charmer, or flirty man, however fun, watch out.
5. One who is prepared to wait for sex. Shows he’s serious about being in a relationship. Without being pushy.
6. A man who is open and gives straight answers.
7. A man who isn’t crude or overly interested in your appearance.

Hope that might help someone. Any more?!

@Warmfirechocolate that's a good list!

Sounds like you have worked out a lot for yourself .

Another tip would be ..don't do it !

Thanks @NSFW

Very useful!

Some other thread also suggested a quick Skype call before meeting was useful.
Another suggested meeting in a park (daytime with people I guess to be safe) and 20 minute walk, if it went well suggest coffee, if not you’ve had a walk!

@Nadia86 I think you’d be better!

@AnneKipanki ha ha would love to. I just want passion in my life!

Will think of somethiyto add :)

Just if it helps- to avoid cheaters - learnt a lot from reading and seeing how my Ex worked. He had...
Short but charming profile, sometimes a picture sometimes not, which seemed non threatening, honest and didn’t narrow down his field.. e.g.

I’m tall, athletic build and have a good career. I haven’t put up a picture as too many people I manage are on here, however happy to send one by request. I am happy to meet up for coffee, and just take it from here, no pressure. I am open to being friends, casual or a relationship with the right woman

You see it gives only his best attributes, no interests or hobbies, quite slick and is aiming to attract as wide a net as possible. Beware!

If some one says they are something ...they are usually not .

I agree with them all apart from moving into WhatsApp before meeting. I'd find it extremely strange if a man didn't ask for my number before meeting, I wouldn't actually meet a man I'd only spoken to on an app.