No commitment 7 years on.. 2 children later

[Hxmac]

Hi, ive been in a 'relationship' with the father of my children for 7 years but no exclusivity no dates not a single picture of us together.. nothing he wont even come to the local park with me when i take our children. Im not even bad looking and i think im a nice person who deserves once in a while to be shown off and made to feel nice. I am contemplating leaving for good. Can anyone suggest anything that will make him give me an explanation on why hes been like this or make him want to change?? I feel so stupid.

You don’t see him leaving? WTF? He does nothing for you and is living in YOUR house! How did you become such a doormat? Wow. He doesn’t get to decide. Find your anger woman. This man is treating you appallingly. He’s a prick. He’s nothing. Loser. Get rid. You tell him “this relationship is a fucking joke. Pack your stuff and move out. You’ll be hearing from CMS” he’s using you as a free hotel!! Change the bloody locks!

Tell him to fuck the fuck off. And have some flowers from me 💐

When you say not exclusive does this mean that he’s seeing other people??

Like all the other posters, this is a dreadful setup for you and it’s astonishing that you’ve allowed it to happen. Please ask him to leave as he seems to be contributing nothing to your life and is acting in a horribly cruel and demoralising manner.

There is Zero in this relationship for you. It’s not a relationship.

My Ex started treating me like this, doing nothing with me. It was worse than being on my own.

You need to ask him to leave. If he doesn’t, ask women’s aid for advice on how to get him to leave or ask a solicitor.

Why are you begging him? Get some self esteem pack his stuff and change the locks. This is who he is. He isn't going to suddenly change because you beg.

hi, im sorry for ur situation.but u shouldn't short change ur own life.u need to give him an ultimatum and find out y he is behaving this way. I would worry he was up to no good if u r a secret that he just wont share. i hope u manage to sort ur problem out for the better xx

Eh? I don't understand how you got to living with this guy and having 2 kids if you aren't actually together?

Is he contributing anything towards his children’s upkeep? Is he named on their birth certificates?

So he lives ( for free and with full maid service and no responsibility for the children he created??) and he fucks around?

He sounds lovely.

He's a cocklodger OP. He lives in your house and has zero involvement with his own children? You don't need to ask him to leave, you need to be telling him. Bag up his stuff and dump it at his parents house then get the locks changed.

I have been begging him for something, you know just something to show he cares

On the assumption that this is for real... I agree with everyone else that this relationship is totally bizarre. I cannot envision any circumstances in which an ostensibly sane woman ends up with 2 children and STAYS with the cocklodging sperm donor who doesnt contribute, doesnt interact, fucks other women, et cetera.

Where is your self esteem, your sense of self-worth, your back bone? When you got yourself into this situation, what exactly was your plan for your future, other than hoping this man would care for you and everything would turn out right?

Stop begging, kick him out, and focus on your children (who must be getting a very weird idea of what family life us like...).

And then take steps to grow up. Read some books about self-esteem, resilience and self-reliance. WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH and CODEPENDENT NO MORE are excellent books to start off with. Plus counselling, if you can afford it.

Sorry to sound harsh, but you need to take charge of your destiny instead of hoping forlornly and begging someone else to do it for you.

Stop being so bloody wet, and tell him he's done. Your place, so out he goes. Change the locks and dump his stuff outside while he's out if he won't go himself.

Give yourself the best Valentine day ever by changing the locks on your door and dumping all his stuff outside.

Do not date for a while and I mean a year and work out why you put up with being treated so badly. Do the freedom programme and seek professional help.

Is this real?

That's just a random hook up who for some inexplicable reason has taken up residence in your house!

Does he contribute financially?

Clearly he doesn't contribute anything else!

Give him notice the same way you would a lodger - 4 weeks written notice and then a court order if he hasn't left.

Together 7 years and eldest child is 6, so that pregnancy happened quite quickly. Was it unplanned? Sounds like he's just been going along with it but never actually been arsed.

Get rid. What is the point of him. He brings you nothing but misery. Show your children a better example.

He really isn’t interested OP

I'm very confused how you ended up in this situation but get him out of YOUR house. You need to do it soon before he's there long enough to stake claim.

its my house everything is in my name.

Thank Christ for that and well done. Don't marry him or put him on the deeds FFS.

What was your upbringing like? I wonder if this is at the root of why you think this treatment is even slightly reasonable.

Bluntly, he's defective - there is something severely avoidant and amiss about him emotionally and it is not fixable by you or anyone else. He will continue to emotionally abuse you to the bitter end.

You can never find happiness if you stay with him and neither will your children. They will sense everything and internalise the lessons they learn about relationships at home and will ineveitably reenact those lessons in their own lives. Please kick him out of YOUR HOUSE. 👏

I just don't see him leaving if i asked him to.

If it's your house you don't have to ask, you can tell him. If he won't leave, you can call the police for assistance. Or you could wait until he goes out and get the locks changed

I really doubt this OP is in the right state of mind to take on board our comments. It would take someone very patient and gentle to explain to her what exactly is going wrong here.

I’m confused.

You’re living together, have two kids, he’s hiding you from everyone but family and he says you aren’t exclusive?

So he’s sleeping with others? Or do you mean something else by not exclusive?

He sounds like a cocklodger who wants the benefits of being in a relationship for regular sex,a roof over his head and to be 'looked after' but likes to see others on the side, or keep his options open for others. Total waste of time

Well he must think you're willing to accept the little he's giving, or you would have ended it.

As others have said its bizarre. You have agreed to a non exclusive relationship and gone on to have 2 children with this man, who lives in your house.

There has to be an explanation of why you would accept such a raw deal.

What @SandyY2K said.

And does he ever pay his way or for his children? (betting not)

I just don't see him leaving if i asked him to.

Oh he will. When you phone the police.

Oh, and you don't 'ask' him to leave, you 'tell' him he's going.