Being ridiculous!

[Slimerecipehell]

I have been seeing my dp for 3yrs,it’s ok, plodding along but always had doubts about a future.
I have recently developed very strong feelings for someone who I work with occasionally, it’s ridiculous, like a teenage crush that I can’t control. The texts that were related to work have escalated and have now become sexual and we both feel this unheard of electricity between us. I’m no spring chicken and am totally floored by my feelings. I literally cannot stop thinking about him day and night. I’m pretty sure it’s infatuation but there’s part of me that thinks it’s the real me and my current relationship is not what I want it to be and hasn’t been for a while.
I have tried talking to dp about how I feel but the main cause for concern is his lack of communication! I have tried everything but I can’t and don’t want to change him but this stupid crush is consuming my life.
It’s just a stupid crush isn’t it? If I ignore it, it’ll go away won’t it??

I don't know - it's hard to know whether it's a 'stupid crush' or an attraction that might lead to a relationship. Did you feel your relationship was genuinely faltering before you started having feelings for work guy? Did you feel attracted to current partner before? How old is work guy? Just wondering if he's younger, sexier etc and offering some allure that is exciting but might not be enough long-term?

Relationship was faltering in my eyes for a good while and although I’ve tried to tackle it, he kind of just ignored it and clams up. I suppose I have just gone along with it but from previous relationships I know that those bug bears can’t be ignored forever The work guy is probably about the same age. It’s like nothing I’ve ever felt before,not even that new relationship kind of feeling. The dangerous part of me wants to be alone with work guy and talk it out but I don’t know if that would happen. Im under no illusion that it might just be lust but how will I know? My only sensible option is to cut down contact with work guy and try and mend my relationship but I don’t know if I’m past trying.

How would you feel about ending your current relationship and seeing how you feel being alone? Don't risk it for someone you hardly know.
See what happens.

Very good advice and something I have always stood by- you shouldn’t start another relationship because you are unhappy in the current situation. Deal with that first then see how I feel.
I’m thinking maybe the work guy is just a catalyst to telling me what I need to do but am scared of doing. To the outside world, we are perfect but to me, the strain of living with little or no communication is not what I can live with.

You are having an emotional and sexual affair. Your DP does not deserve your disrespect and infidelity.

You are in control of your actions. You can act with integrity. Stop the sexting and distance yourself from OM. Work on your relationship with DP or end it before commencing another.

You are already having an emotional affair and wondering about making it physical. What would you think if your dp were doing this? Pretty hurt, I guess.
Just to be sure, tell him what you've been up to. If nothing else will get him to discuss your relationship , im sure this piece of information will. You are very deceitful and hypocritical by saying you believe in ending one relationship before moving on to another, as you are clearly in the first stages of a new relationship right now.

@07FritzDonovan good advice.
OP it's not just you in the frame here. Whatever you do, do it with care for DP and for yourself.
You don't really know the third party.

Op as others have said it’s an emotional affair, you need to decide what you would feel if you other half found out? Would it be guilt, remorse or relief? Would you be happy if he leaves you? Or would you regret it?