Online date disaster ?? To go or not to go ?

[Lucy2999]

Hi

So I’m meant to have a first date on Saturday with a guy I met online .. not tinder or pof just if anyone’s wondering. We have been talking for about 3/4 weeks have spoke on WhatsApp and phone calls.

He’s planned the Date said it’s a surprise .. all seems good right ?

Well.. as of the last few day’s he’s been making jokes and giving ‘banter’ that I just haven’t found funny kept making sexual references etc which I told him I don’t really like early on especially before we meet. I addressed this with him and he apologised only to do it again the day after.. so admit I’ve been being a bit off the last couple of days.

Anyways tonight comes the nail In the coffin ! He’s made a ‘joke’ about being Bi sexual .. I have nothing against gay or bi sexual people but my personal choice is I wouldn't chose to date a bi sexual man.. and I at least would want to know from the jump before agreeing to meet.

I asked him was he serious and he was carrying on this ‘joke’ and kept laughing I clearly didn’t find it funny and asked him several times are you bi sexual to which he eventually replied no I’m joking don’t take stuff so serious.

I personally do not know any straight men who would joke about being remotely interested in other men And I quite frankly found it fukin weird.

I told him this and I’ve told him I am very put off and don’t know if I want to meet anymore.. he’s said he still wants to meet..

Just after some opinions really .. most of my friends are saying they wouldn't go now??

I wouldn’t go.

He already showed that he’s not respectful of your boundaries by repeatedly making sexual jokes despite your expression of discomfort about it towards him.

Also, in the kindest way possible, don’t start so early emotionally investing in someone you’ve never met in real life before.

Oh, and surprises on a first date aren’t really nice.
It’s supposed to be easy and casual and you should be able to leave at any given moment you decide that the date is over. When you accept a ‘surprise’ then you have no control over this as you have no idea where you’ll be going.

I highly recommend you to cancel it and focus on other men that are more respectful and not being shady about their sexual orientation.

Sounds like hard work before it starts to be honest.

@Honeybee85 totally get what you are saying about the surprise thing .. few of my friends have said the same I am thinking if I do decide to go to now insist that I want to know where it is.. I live in London so literally could be taking me anywhere as so many options so I couldn’t even guess where I am going.

At this point I am inclined to cancel but he is insisting he was joking about the bi sexual thing.

@buttonmooney that’s the thing it wasn’t hard work untill 3 days ago don’t know what has happaned

I can’t abide the excuse of ‘banter’ and ‘I was joking’ when you call someone out on their shit small talk / chat / terrible comments. You’ve said you don’t like sexual references, he’s ignored this already, so that alone would be enough for me to sack this one off.

I'd cancel - you could end up on a party boat with no escape and a drunk date who wants bants all night before you fall into his and an other persons bed! . Well, ok, probably not the last bit, but a river boat and inappropriate conversation with no escape are possibilities....

You don't sound very compatible to me.

I don't like much sex talk early on either (I.e. before I've decided whether I actually want to do it with them). We all know what sex entails, so a buildup of flirting is far more attractive than being overt.

Also, although it's hard to say without knowing what his joke was, the bisexual thing sounds as though he may either find bisexuality funny or be testing the waters as he actually is.

@binkysodplop the way it’s going I’d be jumping into the Thames if that was to happen ..

I'd leave it. He's already being disrespectful of your boundaries. He sounds thick, immature and a bit of a dick.

No, I wouldn’t give it any more time or energy. Incompatible I think.

No way. I'd block him.

@Muckycat I thought we were compatible till this point and he always seemed very mature on the phone.. he seemed to have good morals wants to settle down good career etc. I even questioned him why he was single at one point now I’m started to realise.

I hate sex talk early on agree with you till I’ve met them and know if I want to do it etc or if I find them attractive.

A few ppl I have asked also believe he was testing the water regarding the bi comment

It is a no from me, furthermore I like to be in control on a first date with a man I have never met. You are being too trusting and gullible, cancel.

I have messsged him and cancelled

I agree with the others OP. Don't go. If you don't like his attitude over messaging, you really aren't going to like him in real life. Save yourself the bother. You are not compatible.

sorry I cross posted. Well done OP

Think that is for the best Lucy. It seems far too complicated so soon.

Sounds like the right decision to me. How did he take it?

Any bloke making sexual references to me before we’ve even met would be ditched like a sack of shit. Crass and unappealing in the utmost.

He took it well.. and I felt quite bad 🙈 said he’s really sorry if I feel that way and he would like to still get to know me and we can meet when I feel more comfortable. The bi sexual ‘joke’ bothered me more than the sexual comments if I’m
Honest and has really put me off so I can’t see it going anywhere now

Urgh- a 'sorry if' apology. That would put me off more than anything