Scared to tell Ex I'm remarrying.

[Bringiton2019]

My ex husband is a complex person with anxiety and depression. He did not want the marriage to end, even though it was breaking us both mentally and making me ill.

I've moved on and I'm getting married to DP at some point in future. No big fuss, just us and my kids and DP kids.

How do I tell ex? I'm worried it'll set him back. He still messages me at least 4/5 times a day and although I don't answer (unless to do with our children), I am worried how he'll take it. He's threatened suicide in the past.

Why would you tell him? It's none of his business

Don't tell him unless you absolutely have to. You say 'sometime in the future' so you clearly have no immediate plans. When the time comes unfortunately you will just have to tell him straight and let him deal with it. He's not your responsibility anymore, harsh as that sounds.

My children will tell him otherwise.

Maybe just let them do it?

I would tell him but also warn someone in his life so they can keep an eye on him.

So... what date are you getting married? If you don’t have one, why are you even contemplating this now?!?

“At some point in the future” doesn’t sound like this is something you need to worry about right now. He might have met someone himself by then.

I got married and didn’t tell my ex. He did find out but I was able to just deal with his over reaction at a later date, rather than before the wedding

My ex didn’t tell me he was getting married. I won’t tell him when l am getting married next year

TEll him when you have a fixed date and it is certain not now as it doesn't, sound certain and you could be causing unnecessary stress to you both.

How long have you and you ex been apart?

Threatening suicide is just a way to control and manipulate you. Don't allow him to do this. You are not responsible for how he feels about you moving in with your life.

*on

When you have set a date you can tell him — there is absolutely no point otherwise.

@Aquamarine1029 all of this

It has bugger all to do with him

Do people not tell their ex's when they have children together then?

I always throught the right thing to do would be to update ex about any changes given we have DCs but maybe not? And I don't think he will do the same tbh.

I think additional children is very different @Qwerty543

All marriage is really is signing a glorified financial legal contract.

Don't leave it to your children to tell him when you are scared to tell him because of his reaction. You have no way of knowing how he will react.
It is information for the adult to give, not the child.

Ask him to only text you about the children.

I don't mean additional children @NameChangeNugget. I meant the fact that ex and I have DCs together, do I tell him when changes happen in my life, out of courtesy, or just wait until Dcs mention it? I wouldn't be scared of telling him. Thinking about it I doubt he would tell me anything.

I get your dilemma @Qwerty543

I think if potential inheritance for children would be impacted, I might disclose and the sake with any rights you have over pensions etc.

Giving me a headache just thinking about it

How long ago did you split up? What ages are the kids?
Messaging you 4/5 times every day? That’s excessive. Stop being so soft, tell him the attention seeking neediness needs to
stop.

Tell him soon after the event, so its not left to the kids to let it slip. If you think he is going to create a drama and possibly spoil your day best not to tell him of your plans.
It really is none of his business unless it impacts on the DC's which it will do but after the wedding,

I just thought it would be better hearing it from me and not our children.

I did think about leaving it but because if his depression that would be my only concern.

I know he's not my problem but he's the father of my children and not a bad person, surely it's just being respectful?