Dating advice

[Kop1983]

Hi , first time on here. Hope this is the right tread.
36 year old male looking for advice . I’m thinking of joining online dating .I've always had very low confidence and have never had a proper girlfriend .
I feel I have left it to late but have really been trying to build my confidence lately and feel it is a good time to try .
My main worry is I still live with my parents . I pay my way , work hard and have been saving hard for a deposit for a flat .
I largely enjoy having my family near me but people always react negatively when I mention my situation.
Do you think this is a deal breaker when it comes to dating ?
Thanks .

Not necessarily a dealbreaker, though I think it makes it much more difficult, I’ll be honest. I’m in my early thirties and haven’t lived with my parents since I was 18; the last thing I want now is to find myself spending time in someone else’s parents’ house, making polite small talk, trying to keep the noise down during sex, hanging out in the bedroom like teenagers etc. (And the alternative is spending all our time at my place, which isn’t great in itself.)

That said, I don’t think there’s any harm in joining a couple of apps and building your confidence through talking to a few women, getting some rapport going, going on a few dates etc. Your living situation won’t be a dealbreaker for everyone, just let people take you as they find you. Some will be put off, in which case there just won’t be another date. Others won’t be.

Have you ever lived alone or with flatmates? Or always with parents? If the former that’s a bit more reassuring to women that you can fend for yourself and know your way around a domestic chore and won’t be some clueless manchild who expects his girlfriend to be his new mummy.

Thanks for the replies ,
I have lived on my own for 6 months a few times on separate occasions and am current away for 3 months working .
I realise it is quite a unusual situation. I can fend for myself well and am independent in most ways . Living at home allows me to save to buy rather then rent but housing in the south east is very expensive.
I also have family nearby and they are my closet friends and having their support group really helps .
But I can see many negatives now I am looking for a partner . But am not sure how to approach the situation.

I think that more women will be inclined not to see it as a huge barrier if you make it clear that you’ve previously lived alone, are back with parents to save for a deposit, and have some sort of clear point at which you’ll be looking to move out. The not wanting to hang out at someone else’s parents’ house aside, I think what would worry me most about a man in your situation would be that he was overly reliant on his family, had never put the washing machine on, had no real intention of leaving home until he got his feet under my table and would then be a hopeless waste of space who expected me to look after him like his mum did. If this is not the case with you then that’s grand.

Don’t let your worries race ahead: join some sites, have some chats, go on some dates. Let the rest worry about itself.

Hello again ,
Thanks for the honesty, I agree with what you are saying .
This has been a worry that people will think things like this . I work I all male environment and don’t fit in very well. After a while the mickey taking gets you down .
The main thing I get from living at home is the family support group around . Practically I’m very independent .
I always believed I would just meet someone when I was young and it would happen .... then suddenly 15 years past while I concentrated on work . I don’t really like the idea of living permanently alone just because I miss the company . I really would like to try online dating but have read so many horror stories on places like this that it puts me off .
I hope there is somewhere out there as I believe if the shoes where on the other foot I would not have a problem.
Thanks once again for the advice .

I've dated a guy who lived back home with parents but that was due to a breakup and he had lost his job also at the time. He was working again but just couldn't afford to move out at that point. It wasn't a deal breaker for me but if he was sponging off family or just there to be looked after, that would have been different.
I think if you make it clear you have a plan to buy your own place then it shouldn't put genuine women off. Buying is so hard now that more and more people are having to do this. I'm sure the rest of your personality will shine through and anyone decent will see past that. Good luck.