Divorce or work through it?

[serendipity909]

I have only been married for 6 months but I've felt since early on I should have listened to my gut feelings before the wedding and not gone through with it.

I have been with my husband for a bit over 3 years and when we first met everything was wonderful, but we have had a lot to deal with. We were engaged for about two years and in that time I had 2 major bereavements and my father became estranged from the family and me. Needless to say I wasn't having the best time during a part of my life where everyone was unknowingly asking me how excited I was to be getting married/pick a dress etc. I felt heartbroken and trying to hide this and carry on, I don't know how I did it tbh.

We bought a house soon after the wedding as well which I also paid for in full as I was left money. He is not a nasty or malicious person but I am also a bit worried I have made a really bad mistake doing this as well.

Perhaps due to this, or maybe just us growing apart a little my Fiance at the time and I fought quite a lot, mostly over petty things but it felt very bad. I suggested on a few occasions (Calmy) that perhaps due to the bereavements and our issues we could postpone the wedding until we were in a better place. He was adamant that this was a deal breaker and he would leave me if we did this, so in the end I decided to go ahead, mostly as I couldn't bear losing someone else in my life.

Needless to say getting married has changed nothing, except not only am I still trying to work through my other problems, I feel so unhappy with my partner. He is rarely affectionate, frequently grumpy and disapproving if I don't agree with him, and we just don't seem to get each other at all anymore.

I feel like a failure for even thinking of bowing out of this but I also feel like I need to do something to make myself happy and move on with my life. I am still in my twenties and it feels too young to settle for so much unhappiness moving forwards. We have no children so part of me thinks just go and try and start over somehow. If I'm honest I should have walked away a year ago, now I feel stuck and like all my options are bad.
What would you do?

Why was delaying the marriage a deal breaker for him...because he wouldn't be able to claim on your inheritance should you divorce.

Given how you feel I suggest you cinder counselling. Maybe individually for you at first.

If you decide you made a mistake, get in with it and divorce as given it is a short marriage you may limit how much of the inheritance you have to hand over but be aware the starting point is 50/50 split of assets including pensions etc

Divorce.

I’m actually in favour for working on marriages - if there is something to work on. But you sound so unhappy

You haven’t got any children which is the silver lining here, that’s when it really starts getting tricky.

Id go for a divorce if I was you. The world won’t end and you just get in with it

Am not sure it is a 50/50 split if some one came in to it with a lot of equity.

Go and seek some legal advice.

Do you love him?

I loved who he was when we were together the first year or so. Sometimes we still have good moments but they aren't often enough to outweigh the bad. He is grumpy and low mood as his default mood and whilst he wasn't like that at all in the beginning he says that is the real him. I am naturally upbeat and easy going and find it very hard to deal with.

I think I also feel resentful that we went ahead with the wedding as if it had been him losing loved ones i think we would have postponed it all. I am going to go to the Dr's next week to see about some counselling as I think I've about had my limit of grief and pain at this point.

I will speak to a solicitor and try to see where I stand. He did say once when we had fought that he wouldn't go after the house but I don't even know how it works if we can decide between ourselves or if a court decides what's fair?

I too would worry that he insisted on marriage to get your inheritance money. With a v short marriage you may not need to give him half of it, suggest urgent legal advice and counselling (alone).

Get legal advice, don’t waste time being unhappy. Sounds like he was after money, and the sooner you get out the better

Yes why was he not understanding of your wish to delay the wedding given everything you had gone through with bereavements?

Divorce. The resentment will eat you alive since it doesn’t sound like he’s going to step up anytime soon. Sounds like he thinks he’s got you and doesn’t need to try any more. Make sure you don’t get pregnant. Dont worry about what others think - fuck them. True friends will be there. Without sounding glib - buying a house outright suggests financial security - I’d be getting a small mortgage and seeing the world. This could be your time OP - freedom to please yourself.

I am so frustrated with myself that I didn't listen to my intuition that I wasn't ready to marry. It felt at the time I was saving myself the pain of losing someone else but I feel like I have really screwed myself over.
When we bought the house I said I wouldn't mind it to be just in my name since I was paying for everything including stamp duty and legal fees (And we were married at this point anyway) but he was adamant it had to be in both our names. Why did I not stick up for myself!

I have asked him what would happen if we split up and he said he would only appreciate if I was to give him a modest pay out (We discussed figures) so he could have something to re start his life with. In theory I'm fine with this as I want him to still have a good life if we do divorce, I don't want him to be penniless. I guess I am just concerned that he might decide that he wants to shoot for everything he can get - I don't feel he is the type but it seems divorce can bring out the worst in people?

I am seeing a solicitor on Monday to hopefully give me some information and advice.

I feel like the worlds biggest fool and probably the worst is yet to come. I can't really imagine him not being in my life, but I don't think we will make each other happy either.