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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Toxic mother ...not caring about assault/hearing

4 replies

CherrynMango · 13/02/2020 16:35

A male work colleague before Christmas grabbed me and rubbed himself up against me (sexually) and it is now being investigated. I have found there have been historical allegations made against this person which are being looked into.
As you can imagine I have been left extremely upset by what he did to me.
On Monday I had to attend an independent hearing in which I had to relay my statement and answer lots of questions.
My mum was aware of this but made no attempt to show concern and I even text her after the hearing just to say it was over however she ignored me. On Tuesday I got a 'im busy, will be in touch soon' in short she's retired and doing some decorating. Haven't heard from her since.
This is typical. She's incredibly selfish and can be really horrible to people. Both my sister and I have pretty much given up on her.

I'm crushed at her lack of care. If it was the other way round I'd be there for her. Is there anything I can do?

I'm getting married in a few months time. I don't want to cause issues before the wedding but this has really got to me. I'm going between anger and feel crushed because it's not just the above incident, but this is the last straw.

Can anyone give me advice. I'm trying not to cry or let it get me down but what do I do?
Thank you x

OP posts:
pallasathena · 13/02/2020 16:48

I think you need to accept that she is who she is. There are many people in our respective lives who are totally clueless about anything outside of their immediate and personal bubble.
Its not right and its not fair but it does show you who she is and its pointless getting upset about that. You won't change her. You can't change her. All you can do is change the way you react towards her.
Is there anyone else you can confide in OP? If not, be kind to yourself, vent away on here and try hard not to let her lack of empathy crush you. Flowers

CherrynMango · 13/02/2020 16:53

Thank you pallasathena yes I agree and my fiancé and I have come to the same conclusion.
My sister and her husband feel the same as we do in terms of my mother being very self involved.
My sister did have it out with her regarding an incident in December and she backed down but cleary nothing changes.
I have amazing friends who are so supportive. Its just crushing to have someone who is your mother not give a s**t x

OP posts:
Drum2018 · 13/02/2020 17:46

She will never change so don't expect that you can do anything about her behaviour. If I were you I'd go low contact and don't be so available to her if she comes running looking for support for any reason. As regards your wedding, probably best to keep her at a distance so she cannot annoy you with negativity. Just don't bother telling her what you're up to. Get your support from your sister and your fiancé and friends.

CherrynMango · 13/02/2020 17:55

Thank you Drum2018 you're absolutely right.
I've discussed it with my partner and we've agreed for my sanity to go low contact and keep her at a distance.
She's always complaining my sister isn't ever about for her so I've always been there at her convenience.

I'm just so hurt. I feel it's consuming me with hurt and anger x

OP posts:
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