I’m 36 and have a five month old daughter who is my world. I live in London and have an amazing career and most of my friends are here, but my family live in Yorkshire.
I’ve had a horrible time with my daughter’s dad. I found out he had cheated and we broke up but were on/off and then I found out I was pregnant, which came as a surprise as I had been told I may be infertile.
I struggled with what to do as I was torn between still having some feelings of love for her dad and not wanting him in my life if we weren’t together. He slowly became a pretty unpleasant guy as time went on and tried to push me into an abortion (as did his family) and even suggesting I put the baby up for adoption. He told me while I was pregnant that he didn’t want to be a family but may change his mind if he ever came to terms with being “forced” to be a dad. So I’m ashamed to say I kept sleeping with him in the hope he would change when she was born. He stayed over and we slept together until the night before she was born. He came to her birth and cried and since then appears to love her, he makes the effort so see her albeit sometimes with some pushing from me, but she clearly isn’t his priority and his priority remains “his life” ie his mates, partying, holidays, dating whoever he wants etc.
He has made no physical contact with me since his daughter came out of me and has refused to stay over even when I was desperate for sleep so I’ve done it all on my own and my daughter clearly loves me for it so it has had its reward. She isn’t great around him and he doesn’t really try to look after her independently.
The opportunity has now come up for me to move back up north closer to my family with the same employer. I guess I’m just looking for some reassurance.
I feel very isolated in London. I don’t see my friends often, I feel left out if mum groups because I’m on my own, my family aren’t nearby. It’s clear I won’t be getting back with her dad and I suspect he has met someone else on the quiet and he is sadly my main support in London but he still resents me for keeping her and it comes to the surface now and again.
I’m just very worried that I’ll feel worse if I move, that I won’t make friends and that I’ll still feel left out of mum groups. I feel the strong urge to meet someone else so it doesn’t hurt so much that he has met someone so quickly. But I feel ugly and fat and he has told me before that most men don’t want single mums and it will be hard for me to meet someone.
He has told me that if I move he will see her once a month but honestly I want to cut the guy off and forget he exists. I don’t want him around and I certainly don’t want my daughter around any of his “people” as I know he has lied a lot to everyone about what has happened so they don’t realise that he isn’t a great guy. He is a pretty good liar, speaking from experience, and gives off all the air of being a nice guy and a bit of a victim.
Just looking for some thoughts/reassurance really.