Dating as a single Mum

[anonymous1998]

Hello,

My little boy is 13 months old and I’ve been single since before he was born. One of my old friends recently asked me on a date and we got on really well- it was lovely. My son has medical problems so I can’t really have anyone else look after him so that I can date. This guy said that he is happy to just chill out at my house and get a takeaway or cook or something, until things get easier. However I feel incredibly guilty when he comes round- like I am doing something wrong :(

Anyone else feel this way?

I’m a single mum and I’ve been seeing partner for nearly 4 years. Pretty much all our “dates” have been like you describe. He knows the score, don’t feel guilty.

Thank you 😊

It’s just horrible to feel like this! My parents also keep telling me to not go too fast, but it’s hard when you don’t have anyone capable of looking after the little one so can’t help but have the new guy and the little one around each other xxx

As it’s a old friend I’m assuming your child already knows them? If not then I personally wouldn’t be bringing men to my home who were strangers to my children. I’m a single mum to 4 and no child care so I don’t date, there’s no way I’m bringing random men over whilst they are in bed.

Pumpkin there's a difference between spending time at home with a new partner in the evening when your child is sleeping, than "bringing random men over". OP is talking about conducting a relationship, not working from home as a prostitute!

That said, I would avoid seeing a new partner with the children at the same time in the early months. Much better to let the relationship develop with you as a person, rather than introduce a family set-up from the beginning.

I’m definitely not bringing random men over....I would never do that! I know him well and he is a father to a young child as well so he understands. I don’t want to start the whole family set up anytime soon- definitely not ready for that 😅

I’m only speaking for myself that I wouldn’t bring home men I didn’t know well to my house when my kids are home. For example I wouldn’t meet a man old and bring him round whilst the kids are in bed. Obviously I said that doesn’t apply if he is a old friend so you already know him well.

I was in this situation when DD was younger, as the first time I invited my then boyfriend to my home for dinner, exH turned up and dropped off my daughter unexpectedly 5 mins after boyf arrived

It is what it is, not much you can do. I called him a 'friend from work' and made sure we weren't affectionate in front of her before I felt the relationship was solid.

One note of warning though, that relationship ended eventually because it didn't go through that 'dating' stage where you are finding out about each other etc. We ended up in this premature weirdly 'old married couple' territory where we just ate dinner, watched TV, went to bed etc. Fine if you are an old married couple but felt stifling in a new relationship!! So make sure you are still both in 'date mode' when he comes over, so you can genuinely still get to know one another better.