How do I keep him interested?!

[daffodilrosedaisy]

Hi everyone,

Been out of the dating game for a long time and I’ve started seeing someone - it’s been just over a month. He seems lovely but I just want some tips on how to keep someone interested! I’ve read so many things online about taking a while to reply and playing “games” etc but I don’t want to put my foot in it and do something to put him off... so any tips of things to do or totally avoid doing in this early stage?! Thanks

Just be normal with him. No silly games. If he’s decent, he’ll find all of that very off putting... and if you have to resort to that type of thing to keep him interested, he’s going to lose interest at some point anyway.

Be normal, and if he’s right for you, he’ll find you interesting enough.

Honestly, just be yourself!

Each relationship is individual as per the people in it so online advice or 'tips' can't really apply because they're not based on you or your partner specifically. Plus, trying to keep up with tips on how you 'should' act will only get exhausting in the end trying to keep up a pretence of something or someone you're not.

You should be valued on your own worth and what you can bring to the relationship as you so just keep on being you. The right person will take you as they find you and not have issue with that. Carry on as you are and just let things develop naturally. If it's a good thing, it will without effort.

Aw thanks so much that’s really helped! Think I needed to hear that :)

Just be yourself. Treat him like anyone else. Be honest about your likes and dislikes and don't always agree with him just to be nice.

There isn't anything to do to keep someone interested. If either of you loses interest, it is better at the beginning. Think of it like a work probation period.

I found that when my ex “lost interest” it tended to be when I’d made him the centre of my world, if that makes sense? When I still had my own thing going on he was more into me. He’d back off a bit when he knew I’d drop everything for him or when I was constantly at his back and call, always available when he needed me etc. When I kept up with seeing friends, going to hobbies, doing things without him (even -as little as reading a book or going for a hike) he was always more intrigued and fought harder for my attention.

I agree with NameChange84!

Remember you’re the prize and he’s just a ribbon on top (as it were)...keep yourself as a full and interesting person and don’t make your life revolve around him.

Don’t drop plans for him if he asks you to do something last minute. Don’t do any “pick me” behaviour - changing how you look or pretending you like/don’t like something to please him - just be yourself! It’s not game-playing and it makes you stronger. And a good man will respect it and even prefer it.

Remember nobody is a prize, you both owe each other nice behaviour and youre equals so treat him as you'd like to be treated

The advice is as old as time. Be yourself, don't change or compromise, make yourself scarce now and then. Know your value!

Thanks everyone, this is helping so much 😊

It is tempting to read and watch dating guides in the internet which most of which tell you to be insouciant and avoid replying and act cool.

But If you start with playing games on any level you will always be playing them.

If you behave in a certain way to get someone on the hook, then you'll always have to play that role and forever wonder if that is what hooked them.

You have to be you.

Be yourself!

Don't play games.
Be yourself.
If he likes you for that then all well and good and if he doesn't.... well fuck him!
Don't change.
Make sure you have time for you.
Keep up your hobbies and social life.
Enjoy it for what it is!

I would echo what everyone else says. Hang onto your own life and hobbies and interests and it will give you space, and things to talk about that will help you be "interesting", instead of just focused on him/your relationship all the time!

Don't play those silly games. They're for kids. You shouldn't have to keep someone interested if they're into you. Just be yourself!

You don't he either is or isn't.

Even all this well meaning advice about keeping up hobbies, lifestyle ,friendships etc is pointless. It is good advice for your own wellbeing and having a healthy life and outlook, but it'll make no difference. You don't have to be an alligator wrestling, fire breathing social butterfly to keep his "interest". He either is or isn't. You want someone who likes you for you, regardless if you climbed Everest or sat on your couch all day watching JK reruns.

What if you don't have any hobbies ,only two friends and like being a home body?

Or if you get older/poorly and want to slow down a little bit?

Be who you are,do what you like to do, if that's not good enough for him, then he's not good enough for you.

You are not a performing monkey to try and keep the audience engaged.

For the kind of man you want to be dating, you are enough to keep his interest without games.

Thanks everyone that’s so true and makes a lot of sense x

You’ll be interesting if you are true to yourself. If that means an interest in rock music and a love of medieval ecclesiastical manuscripts, then so be it. Whatever floats your boat, even if you think it’s dull/ uncool/ whatever, persue it.

Some great advice on this thread about just being you!

Don’t play games, be yourself, look like yourself, give your true opinions when asked etc. Basically, anything that’s not ‘you’ will be hard to maintain in the long run, and also if he doesn’t like the real you then what’s even the point?
It doesn’t sound like you have any reason to think he is not interested. But another thing to remember is that should he start to lose interest at any point, there is not a lot you can do! Same as if you started to lose interest in him. These things happen sometimes! If he likes you now, that’s great, enjoy it, live in the here and now and don’t fret about the future!