Am i weird in that i find friends hard work?

[malificent7]

I have friends but i keep them at arms length due to competetive, bitchiness and just me finding people hard. I feel like im misding out but i dont want to mill ake new friends.

I am the same, and I like it that way, I have acquaintances, but anyone who tries to get to involved i back off from.
My sister is my best friend.

I have friends but i keep them at arms length due to competetive, bitchiness and just me finding people hard

You have the wrong 'friends'. Or you are confusing 'friends' with 'not very nice people I happen to know'.

I mean, some people don't need many friends, but if the people you call friends are unpleasant, the problem is with your definition of 'friends'.

Good friends are wonderful though, the people you refer to don't fit in that category I suspect

Some friends are entertaining and fun to be with, but maybe a bit ---- self absorbed. Some are incredibly kind but we don't have that much in common. Only a handful are both.

Omg. Yes. And friend's children are sometimes worse!

I find the only friends I can be bothered with now are the ones I see when I'm doing something e.g. running club or choir
and
some of my oldest, long-standing friends from uni who I'll happily do a 70 mile round trip to see for lunch .

Once the DC reached secondary school age I found I quickly divested of the sort of friends where all we had in common were the children and schools, spending endless boring hours in coffee shops/ mums nights out etc.

Most people are self absorbed.Lent money interest free to friends in the past .The died in the wool socialist never paid a penny back ,the other paid just over half back .Words are cheap .Most people only call when they need a favour with only a couple notable exceptions.

I'm similar to you. I don't really have any friends but I often feel I'm missing out because of it. The thing is despite feeling like that when people do try to make friends with me I push back. Someone recently suggested going for runs together and to meet up more (we chat at playgroup). I just said something non committal but in my head I was thinking NO! I don't know why even my DH said I should take her up on the offer. She seems a nice person. I just find people hard work.
Even my family sometimes since I have had DC all want to see us atleast once a week. I sometimes find it too much and make up excuses.
I feel sad about it sometimes even though it's me stopping the friendships. Even on my wedding day I just had family attend

I've been thinking about posting similar OP, but I concluded I would just be told I need new friends. Ive always envied people who have close "best friends". I have a circle I've known for a long time and I like them but only in small doses. They annoy me with their poor relationships choices, stupid political views and general flapping.
Incidentally I have a few online friends through mn, wish they were nearer though.

“ They annoy me with their poor relationships choices, stupid political views and general flapping. ”

Some people really seem to enjoy flapping don’t they?

OP I don’t have friends like yours, bitchiness and competition, no way.

I am an introvert so a couple of friends is fine for me.

I'm introverted. I have friends I've been friends with for a long time (longest 20 years, shortest 12 years) and we meet up every few months. I love spending time with them but we just don't have time for more than that, we're all at different places in our lives and busy in our own ways. The only friend with children I have I do see regularly just one play dates.

I would really like some mum friends for daytime coffees but I'm not very good at making friends and I don't have a lot of time either. I'm close to my sister and like spending time with my oh xx

I'm like this. I have very few close friends from school due to bullying at school. The few that survived were dampened when I had ds1 young and I couldn't go out etc. Now I just find women friends hard work. I moved to my husband's small village and work full time so definitely harder to make friends. I work mainly with men in a Male dominated industry and women find it difficult to understand my industry or have little interest. They also have little ambition to excel or challenge themselves which I find difficult to understand. (I'm talking about one group of friends not women in general btw)

I have one close friend from school who lives an hour and a half away who I communicate with regularly via messaging or a twice monthly phone call. We meet up a few times a year and that works fine although I'd love it if she lived a bit nearer.

I like the idea of friends, but seem to struggle with the effort involved. I seek out less intense friendships as I get older. A lot of people are hard work, I've heard it all before and I just can't be bothered much these days. I realise I get more done without seeing friends as much. Equally, I belong to a hobby group and enjoy days out and pub nights and do find I can get a bit insular and lonely at times too if I don't reach out to others and need people too to shake me out of my solitude bubble.

Is it mainly a problem with groups OP? I tend to end up in, and like, one-to-one type friendships, rather than in a group. I find group dynamics hard and am not interested in any bitchiness or backstabbing.
I like to just see one person at a time, in fairly small doses

They don't sound like friends op. Friends are people you can be yourself with. I'm very lucky I have a lot of lovely friends and I always look forward to time with them. Some of them live far away but we keep in touch well. Friends should be easier and less demanding than family imo. I've always had wonderful friends and can't imagine life without any. So important to me.

I have a couple of friends but don't see them very often. We talk by text or facebook messenger (I don't really like using the phone). Only 1 lives anywhere near me.

I often look at others with lots of friends and think it would be nice to have friends to go out with but in reality I really can't be bothered.

I like spending time with DH. He is my best friend. I also am quite happy spending time on my own. When he is working, and he sometimes works away for 1 or 2 nights although I miss him I am quite happy reading, watching tv, catching up on recorded programmes, walking our dogs and spending far to long on the web!