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Relationships

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Original poster

Do I put my foot down?

6 replies

IsItWine0ClockSoon · 12/02/2020 05:41

DH and I live in a lovely area but we are are a long way away from any family and good friendships. 2 years ago we found ourselves in a position where we could have moved back to my hometown where we lived before. DH doesn’t ‘love’ it there but has said that if the right house game up, he’d be happy to go. But, he is adamant that we get everything in order first and has said that it could take another 18 months for that to happen. I am struggling mentally and emotionally because I feel that I have hung on for long enough, supported him at work (I’m a SAHM) even though I really want to get back into work myself, and don’t feel like there’s anything coming back. We have the money to move but he won’t spend it.
Yo until now, I have trusted that he knows what’s best for us all but I feel like my trust, patience and sanity are on their last thread!
Do I put my foot down and say this is what we all need for our own happiness as a family or do I keep ‘waiting’? Help!

OP posts:

Toomanygerbils · 12/02/2020 05:46

I don’t really understand your entire post OP, is it both yours and hubby’s hometown or just yours? Would he be able to work there as well as he is where you are now? What do you mean by “even though I really want to get back into work myself, and don’t feel like there’s anything coming back”??? As he’s the main earner is his concern financial. Or are there other issues in your relationship

BillHadersNewWife · 12/02/2020 05:46

"WE have the money to move but HE won't spend it"

Why does he win?

Short answer is that he doesn't.

Start actively looking for properties, keep him informed. If there's nothing keeping him where you currently are, tell him he can get on board or not....his choice..but you're going.

Ozziewozzie · 12/02/2020 05:55

Your post takes me back to when I was married years ago. He wanted house in posh village (remote) for his ego and didn’t support me working at all. He wanted the stay at home wifey, worshipping his every move.
I hated it. No car, 3 young children. I hated the house.
I divorced him and never looked back.
Obviously I’m not suggesting you do this but providing your dh can work in other town and you’re happy I would put both feet down and keep stomping them down until he listens. You have a responsibility to support each other. If you’re unhappy then as a loving supportive dh he needs to acknowledge that. It’s not about getting your own way. I felt really isolated and it was horrible.
Avoid ultimatums as they can only cause resentment.
Try and make it seem as though he too will gain from a move. His dw will be really happy and forever grateful, you could work so boosted income.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 12/02/2020 05:58

What needs to change for you to be ready to move, in his eyes?

Why is his opinion more valid than yours?

custardbear · 12/02/2020 06:03

Make a pro and con list each for moving then start communication lines from these lists and work out a solution

category12 · 12/02/2020 06:09

he is adamant that we get everything in order first and has said that it could take another 18 months for that to happen.

What does this mean? What does he want to get in order?

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