Am i overreacting ?

[katrinakumar]

Should it bother me that my husband of 7 years never buys me a card for my birthday, valentines day or mothers day card from my daughter. Not fussed about gifts. But i love receiving cards it just shows that they care. I always buy him a card and bake him a cake for his birthday. It was my birthday a couple of weeks ago, again he never got me a card. Even my daughter asked him wheres my card for mummy lol. He just always says he didnt get time. But they sell cards everywhere you can litteraly buy one from the local shop. I do remind him before hand and mention it. He makes very little effort tbh. I mean we do go out for a meal and he thinks thats good enough. But tbh we eat out and get takeaways often enough anyway. Sometimes i think maybe its because i dont do enough as a wife and thats why he dont make effort. But tbh i definitely do more than enough. House is always clean when he finishes work and dinners always made for him. I do all the housework cus he works full time. So no problem there he does his fair share. As i also work and study all at the same time. Think i feel like he doesnt appreciate me. A card goes along way. It just bothers me so much. Valentines day is this week and if he doesnt make any effort i think ill flip tbh. A card is all im asking for litteraly. Its the thought that counts at the end of the day and i feel like he doesnt even think. Why does this bother me so much? Its just a card right !

You are not overreacting, you are clearly unappreciated. Why should you do everything around the home when you are working too? Does he never buy you any gifts?

Not sure OP.
Did he used to get you cards when you were dating? Did it stop upon marriage?
If it’s Yes/Yes - then I can see how you’d feel justified to be upset.
But if he wasn’t a card giver before, and you married him ‘as is’ - I think it’s unfair to expect him to become a different person after dating and long marriage.

I personally don’t see a point of cards. And more importantly cards that one requests to receive. To me it’s the opposite of appreciating and loving someone. It’s not the thought that can be counted - as it was demanded to be delivered.
It is possible that he expresses his love in different ways - if he is indeed a person who is expressive.
Or maybe his expression is working hard and caring for his family financially.

As to the ‘card from daughter’ - that I underused even less. I never ever buy cards for my kids to give to anyone. We have always made them - when they were small, and now they do it themselves.
So - if your daughter wants to give you a card - why doesn’t she get a piece of paper and some pencils. That Is a good way to show thought and care. And much better for environment.

Yeah he use to when we were dating. He would make more of an effort back then. As i was writing this, i came to the conlusion that more than a card think im feeling unappreciated. I do tend to over think and analyse everything lol. Thats why i always second guess myself. And yeah some people are not card lovers. So they dont understand but im a big card lover. I keep all the best ones and he knows this. He hasnt made any nice effort for years tbh. A couple months ago i booked us a surprise spa day. As i thought i cant expect gestures if i dont do anything nice for him. He was happy and surprised, and we really needed couple time. But he just sat on his damn phone all day. I was so pissed off. Sorry for waffling btw. Think i need to air it out.

What did you say to him about how he behaved at the spa day?

Have you ever told him how important you think cards are?

OP - if he was making more effort and now it’s not there and it’s making you unhappy and unappreciated - I think it’s more a case of him becoming a bit lazy and comfortable in a relationship and taking it for granted.

So - I’d talk about it and about how you feel.
That conversation is more important and less easy to dismiss as a whim than picking an argument over the absence of a card.

I don't think men care about cards. And if your daughter is old to notice, she's old enough to make one herself.