I will try to keep it short and to the point and I'd appreciate your honesty so I can learn from my mistakes, please.
I met my Husband 20 Yeats ago. I am a teacher. He was a labourer in a building site.He wanted to improve his lot and decided to go to college. This coincided with the birth of our first child.
I was happy for him to do this, funded it, reared our ( and subsequent ) children for him to qualify as an engineer. His job paid only ok and his hours were 50/week at the site. Two evening of college a week and full weekends doing course work .
He was rarely at home save to sleep.my hours supported this.
He studied for a total of five years, got a better job financially but hours and travel meant he was gone twelve hours per day.
Gradually and overtime it became the norm
For me to do90% of family 'work'.
He came home, are, slept, went on his phone and arrived to bed in the middle of the night .he often got u later and then came home later even though he could have done the opposite.
He. Came moody impatient , disinterested in the kidsand me , had to be nagged to do anything with the kids or around the house at weekends and if he did do it, it was never finished or done badly so I'd have to get stuff fixed on the quietas he didn't want to pay anyone to do it.
Hours got longer, he got angrier, I got resentful. He saw the house and family as my job as I was teaching and came straight home everyday to the kids.
He resented me sitting down at eight o clock esp if I asked him to bring kids to bed .
His salary was still poor but he was walked over and often stayed late . It was the nature of his job he said. He refused to move nearer home for work or apply for any other job .
His relationship with the kids suffered. He was shouty, impatient with them and became critical.
I always protected them from his moods as I knew they were not reflective of their behaviour but of his moodiness.we often walked on egg shells.
I got turned off him as he was persistent looking for sex. He was gropy and moody when I was too tired but was too lazy and tired tooffer the odd lie on. When he did, the kids spent their morning running up and down to my room or fighting with eachother.
Fast forward to the summer, we hardly saw him. He was working all the hours and just
Slept at our house. No parenting, no contribution to family life and certainly no interest in us.
He felt nagged and criticised and didn't think he should have had to row in to family life as he was tired. His pay was always basic, no overtime considering the hours he put in.
He told me at the end he f the summer that he wanted out. It was my fault he said, he didn't like my attitude towards him. I admit I was frustrated, lonely, exhausted and resentful.
I found out a week later that he had met someone along with condoms and viagra in his wash bag. He said he met her after he made his decision.
I am extraordinarily calm about it all. I've had lots of counselling. The kids seem happier and say that they are.we are in a lovely new home and life is settling. Our child with asd is coming to terms with it all slowly.
Help me learn to see where I went wrong and how I can learn from my mistakes. WasI a selfish and unappreciative wife?